I'm back! It's been 6 months since I've updated on Anastasia. I was going to do it on our new adoption blog, but I know this blog is on a blogroll for Russian adoptions, so I wanted to do an update here.
So, how is Princess Anastasia?
She is really good. She is forming a healthy attachment to us step by step. Our attachment issues are very minor compared to some, however difficult they may be it puts a lot of pressure on the parents, being scared to death we are going to do something wrong.
I can give you one simple illistration that displays her attachment to us.
About 6 weeks ago she said she had a bad dream, she said in the dream I was dying and she was yelling "NO, Nooo" (sounds like she is attached to me right)
Then she says "But, (insert her friend's name here)'s Mom was there and she asked if I wanted to be part of their family. Then she says " I said, I don't know, it depends if she is really dead or not"
Other adoptive parents would understand my illistartion better than others. She certainly has an attachment to me, however is her mind totally at rest that I am her forever Mommy and she can relax in that, mmm, no not exactly.
She is still mentally doing "Mommy shopping" This is out of her control. It is up to us to do what we need to do to strengthen her attachment and make it healthier. No more sleepovers at friends' houses, it encourages the "mommy shopping" She knows this is not a punishment, but rather a chance for her and Mommy to have more time together and not apart.
Her "rages" have gotten much fewer and farther between, The last one was a doozy, lasted 2 days, she was determined to take control of something, not sure what, but something. As a matter of fact she told me, "I am not going down" Really? Yep, she will never live that one down, everyone heard it, her brothers included, she will be teased about that forever, her brothers will make sure of it!!
When people ask for my honest take on attachment, I tell them the truth. Most do not want to know the truth, they just want the "we are doing great" answer.And really all people don't need the truth, most people are not adopting children. While the last year has been great, it has also been the hardest year of parenting I have yet to experience. Many times I feel like a failure, like I have fallen on my face, like really God? It is not easy to raise a child that has a history that you were not there for.
I say all this to say, we love Anastasia and she loves us. It is not easy, worth, YES!!
She is doing great in school! Her reading has progressed at great speed, and she almost never does the pretending to not know how to do it trick anymore.
She seems to have a learning disorder that effects her math skills and spatial skills. We are not looking for a diagnosis yet, right now we are managing it with extra tutoring by us, and keeping in close communication with her teachers as to what she is struggling with.
