Adding On

Surprise!!

2011-01-11T19:17:00.000-08:00

I'm back! It's been 6 months since I've updated on Anastasia. I was going to do it on our new adoption blog, but I know this blog is on a blogroll for Russian adoptions, so I wanted to do an update here.
So, how is Princess Anastasia?
She is really good. She is forming a healthy attachment to us step by step. Our attachment issues are very minor compared to some, however difficult they may be it puts a lot of pressure on the parents, being scared to death we are going to do something wrong.
I can give you one simple illistration that displays her attachment to us.
About 6 weeks ago she said she had a bad dream, she said in the dream I was dying and she was yelling "NO, Nooo" (sounds like she is attached to me right)
Then she says "But, (insert her friend's name here)'s Mom was there and she asked if I wanted to be part of their family. Then she says " I said, I don't know, it depends if she is really dead or not"

Other adoptive parents would understand my illistartion better than others. She certainly has an attachment to me, however is her mind totally at rest that I am her forever Mommy and she can relax in that, mmm, no not exactly.
She is still mentally doing "Mommy shopping" This is out of her control. It is up to us to do what we need to do to strengthen her attachment and make it healthier. No more sleepovers at friends' houses, it encourages the "mommy shopping" She knows this is not a punishment, but rather a chance for her and Mommy to have more time together and not apart.
Her "rages" have gotten much fewer and farther between, The last one was a doozy, lasted 2 days, she was determined to take control of something, not sure what, but something. As a matter of fact she told me, "I am not going down" Really? Yep, she will never live that one down, everyone heard it, her brothers included, she will be teased about that forever, her brothers will make sure of it!!
When people ask for my honest take on attachment, I tell them the truth. Most do not want to know the truth, they just want the "we are doing great" answer.And really all people don't need the truth, most people are not adopting children. While the last year has been great, it has also been the hardest year of parenting I have yet to experience. Many times I feel like a failure, like I have fallen on my face, like really God? It is not easy to raise a child that has a history that you were not there for.
I say all this to say, we love Anastasia and she loves us. It is not easy, worth, YES!!
She is doing great in school! Her reading has progressed at great speed, and she almost never does the pretending to not know how to do it trick anymore.
She seems to have a learning disorder that effects her math skills and spatial skills. We are not looking for a diagnosis yet, right now we are managing it with extra tutoring by us, and keeping in close communication with her teachers as to what she is struggling with.

Finish what I started

2010-07-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Gosh, people, sorry. Having the kids out of school and my hubby gone, I just totally let this ball drop. Where has the time gone.
Well, great news first,hubby got home 2 weeks before expected. He worked really hard to be able to do that. We were able to go to Ohio to a big family reunion type party. We have also had valuable time together as famiily. He leaves for SOS school tomorrow, but should be able to come home on the weekends!!
Anastasia finished the school year and passed to 2nd grade! She only had to take the math part of the standardized testing, and she passed! Her problems learning seem to be self created, meaning she will do something perfectly one day, then the next claim to have no idea. It can be very hard to know when she is faking, and has made teaching her stressful. I'm just being honest people. But she really is smart. I also must point out that these episodes get farther and farther away. I thought she would just realized that faking or being lazy only makes it take longer and causes me to not know what she knows, which results in more work. I let her learn the hard way when it came to swim lessons this year, I told her before we went in, that she had to show them that she could swim or they would put her in the baby class.The girl can swim, she can float, etc... She got in the water with the instructor got her signature smirk on her face (this is how we know something is about to go downhill) and she didn't do a single thing for the instructor. So she was put in the baby class. I told her next year I will not pay for her to do swim lessons if she is not going to try.
On a brighter note. She did a play they put on at the base here. The Missoula Children't Theater comes every year to most bases and puts on a play with the kids. Try outs are Monday and the show is Friday. She had to go by herself while Mom and Dad sat on the side. The whole family went to support her, and she really tried. She was trying to get over her shyness because she really wanted to do the play. They let all the kids who try out be in the play. She had to go to practice by herself, and the day of the play they had dress rehearsal all day. She was a seagull, in Treasure Island. She did awesome! I was so proud of her. They had to walk along the stage and sing and flap their wings. I think it really helped her self confidence. We took her out for icecream after to celebrate.
She learned to pedal a 3 wheel bike. She's been begging for one, so we went ahead. At first she was excited, then just like with the other bike I bought her she decided it was too hard and did not want to try at all. I stood out in the 97 degree heat, telling her over and over again, You will not give up, you are not getting off this bike, you can do this, God gave you legs use them,you can do this and you will do this etc... She was not happy with me, there were tears, there was whining, etc... But by golly she learned how to pedal that bike. And let me tell you, the look on her face when she took those first 2 or 3 pedals was priceless!!! The neighbors may have been watching me through the windows, but I don't care. That is the kind of mothering my daughter needs, she will give up on herself before she even begins, and I won't allow it, she is better than that. To celebrate I put her on my lap on the bike and took her for a ride, the bike is the 360 by Razor, if you turn the handles sharp is swirls around, the back 2 wheels are castors. We were a couple pounds over the recommended weight and I almost threw up after we whirled arouns so many times, but man did we have fun!
Lastly, I know everone always wants to know how her legs are doing, is she walking normal, etc... Her walking is not normal, but it could be close to it. Does that make sense? She is 8, she is child, she does not care right now, she does not like the PT and the stretching. It is harder for her to accept than children who have these therapies from the time they are born. She progressed a lot at the begining of the summer, then regressed, and that is where we are at now. But we plug along. We will not let her give up, and we are trying to teach her the importance of it all. As she is able to do more and more, I think she is starting to realize. I really thingk it will come with time. I think her improvement is more exciting to us than it is to her, but maybe that is normal at this age.
She is one fun loving girl, as anyone who has met her knows. And I think she has really enjoyed her summer. She has a friend from down the street that she plays with often. She can even walk down to the girls house without crossing the street, so she has been allowed to do that. She does not want to go back to Russia. And she tells me about 50 times a day that she loves me.
IF anyone ever reads this blog and wants more information on adopting from Russia, hosting, CP, adjustment of an older adopted parent, etc... Just email me privately. This is the last post I will like this. I feel like it's a picking apart, like I'm evaluating my own child. I think this will help prospective parents know what they might expect, but I think we have reached a stopping point for these types of posts.
I will post some summer pics soon.
And sometime this week, I will have our newest blog started, www.1moremakes6.com
That's right, Anastasia is getting a sister, she is over the moon excited. And so are we. She is 2. We cannot disclose her country. She was born premature, and they think she may have mild CP like Anastasia. Can't believe I have forgot the labor pains of paperwork already. The rewards are def work the work. Adopting Anastasia was a privelage from God and we feel blessed to have another child entrusted to us.

1 Year Ago Today

2010-05-18T03:36:00.000-07:00

A Russian judge declared us Anastasia's parents effective immediately! We were the last known adoptive parents to have our 10 days waived in St. Petersburg, I never felt like we wouldn't have the 10 days waived even though everyone said this judge never waives it, etc... God is good, that was a financial blessing and a physical blessing, we were tired, and getting around Russia with no stroller and a child who couldn't walk on her own very far at all was not fun.
In some ways it seems like yesterday in others it seems like forever ago.
We will not celebrate until the 22nd, this is our "Gotcha Day" know in the adoption world as the day you got the child. Plus I just like that date better!! See my kids birthdays are 2-22-01, 2-20-04, and 2-2-02. I don't believe in luck so I don't have a "lucky number per se" but the number two sure does seem like my blessed number doesn't it. And we picked Anastasia up from the orphanage forever on the 22nd!!
I promise promise promise I've got the one year updates coming soon. I think you will be surprised how far she has come in 1 year. We had no idea what to expect and really had no expectations, we had never done this before!!

Lots of 1 year updates

2010-04-27T02:44:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!!
Sorry Wendy didn't mean to make you worry. The next couple weeks I will be doing posts to kind of calaborate our experiences this past year. Anastasia is doing great all around. I will try to be as honest as I can be in these upcoming posts, well, I will be totally honest, I will bare as much as I can (not like that!!)

Generally we are doing good. We are almost to the 4 month mark on the deployment, so 2 more to go, whoohoo!! This has not been easy, and it's not something I could do as often or for as long as some women do it. When I say I couldn't I mean, we wouldn't, it's not for our family. This deployment and any other deployments in our future are a service to our country, we are beyond grateful for the reliable job he has. BUT we would never put ourselves in the position to do this for an entire year at a time, or continually over and over again. I admire and pray for those who do, and you should too. I don't mind the extra work, the extra yardwork, doing all the household duties myself, etc...The toll it takes on the kids is the worst. Cooper still has anxiety at times, he is doing better with it, unfortunately I think this is something he will struggle with. Cody still will not talk on the phone or skype with his Daddy, makes him cry. Anastasia and Cooper both love talking to him. I finally got their Daddy Pillows made that I wanted to make before he even left. They love them, I will post later, even Cody does, I was afraid he wouldn't want his, but he loves it!
The hardest part is that sometimes my children do not get the best of me. They are in school all day so I'm able to get most of my chores done then, and after school and evening time are all for them. But come the weekend, I can have a lack of patience. It can be hard having 3 children's attentions only be directed at you ALL THE TIME. Just being honest. But at the same time, I love my time with them on the weekends, they are all so much fun and have the best sense of humor.

Gary has to leave about 3 weeks after he gets back to go to a training school. I cried when he first told me, overreacted really, something I do often. He will only be 3 hours away and the school is 5 weeks long, we will be able to see him on weekends. I just hope Cooper takes it well. It is an honor to be chosen to go to this school in person, most people do it on the computer, it is better for your military career for you to go in person. We decided since we will be able to see each other on weekends, he absolutely should go.

PCSing, PCS stands for permanent change of station, not sure why, there's nothing permanent about it. The list of locations that we could PCS to came out last month, we were not thrilled with the job or location choices. We may be here for another school, MAYBE. My best friend will be PSCing in Sept. I'm not a happy camper to be without her, that's me pouting, and come September I will be pouting even more.

Checking In

2010-03-01T07:43:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'm delayed getting the other blog started up. Thanks for those who emailed me or left me a comment, I appreciate it. A blog with no commenters is kind of like just talking to yourself! You don't have to have a blog to leave a comment either.

Wendy, thanks for all your comments, I always appreciate them, you are not to bold, you remind me of myself.

To the person who comments in Japanese or Chinese, I have no idea what you are saying, or if you are spam? Sorry! If they are true comments, thank you!

Betsy, thank lady, I love you, and your family!

Josie, thanks for leaving a comment, it's very sweet of you, I'm thankful for facebook and the ability to keep in touch with friends like you.

In Anastasia News,

She got glasses. Again, if you have followed you remember when we hosted her she got glasses, well she was not happy, and the orphanage told her she didn't need them and took them. She is far sighted, has astigmatism, mostly in her right eye. Already I see a difference, and her handwriting has improved, it never sat on the line, it does now!She looks super cute in them, and she has accepted the fact that she needs them, I'll post a picture soon.

I forgot to post about her CRCT practice test scores. The CRCT is the state mandated test here in GA. Not a big fan of it, but it did give us an idea of where she is at, and her testing skills. I am happy to report that she averaged a 50% on all 3 tests! And with the fact that her reading skills are way behind and her other difficulties she has with focusing, I think that is great! Her teacher agrees. I attend a meeting today to determine if she'll have to take the real CRCT, she has to do the Math part, but she may qualify due to her language to not have to take the language and reading. I don't see any reason to have her do it, it will only discourage her. The week she took the practice tests her brain was moosh, I couldn't get anything out of her the entire week.

Hmmm..

2010-02-18T18:20:00.000-08:00

I think this blog is coming to an end, as far as frequent posts, Anastasia officially became ours 9 months ago today.
I said last year I was going to start a family blog, to make up for not scrapbooking, then have it made into a book, well, that lasted all of 2 months. But I am going to try again, and try a little harder this time.
So, what to name it, any suggestions?
Not really sure how many people still follow this blog since I don't get very many comments, thanks a lot people!!
But if you want an invite to the new blog, I should have it up and running this weekend, just leave me a comment with your email, or email me privately, and I'll send you an invite, it will be private. My email is not private! Here it is
cmsuttles4@hotmail.com
So most of anything about Anastasia will be on the family blog, anything that happens occasionally with her, milestones, etc... I will still post to the adoption blog, if I think it will help people reading it for that purpose.

More Bday Pics

2010-02-03T16:09:00.001-08:00

Ahh, I forgot blogger posts pictures backward of the way you uploaded them as far as the order goes. All well. Here are a couple more

Birthday Party Pictures!!

2010-02-03T15:50:00.000-08:00

Her first birthday party went great! I made her a castle cake, and made everyone promise not to tell her it was "a little wonky" She thought it was great.
As one of her birthday presents she wanted to get her ears pierced. She has been asking for this since we met her when we were hosting her. She is a glam girl. Once she got in the chair though she covered her ears up and started pitching a fit. I told her mommy didn't care if she got her ears pierced or not, but if she was going to do it she could not do that or she'd end up with some messed up piercing! She decided the glam was worth the pain, and she did great. They have a case of piercing earrings to choose from, of course she wanted the biggest CZ ones they had, they were HUGE! I told her she was 8 not 80 and she went with the smallest cz ones to please us both. For birthdays in our family you get to pick where the family eats dinner. A new chickfila just opened down the street, so she choose that. I think she loved her first birthday!

First Birthday Party Ever

2010-01-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

I only have a few minutes for this post, actually I have no minutes, but I'm taking them anyways. Tomorrow is Anastasia's first ever Birthday Party!! She is so excited. I will post pics, hopefully early this week. 2 of the other girls who were adopted from the same Desky Com are coming, and most of the little girls from her class. She said it's like a Russia-America Party. Tuesday is her actual Birthday, she is so excited she can hardly stand it. It is birthday month in our house, ALL of my children were born in Feb, all with number 2's, the 2nd, the 20th, and the 22nd, and Anastasia was even born on 2-2-02. Don't worry, I promise to post pics of her Birthday party, I know I never did post pics of Christmas. And trust me you have got to see the face she makes when she opens presents!! It will make your day, well it makes my day, it will at least make you smile!

OK I WAS Back

2010-01-23T13:00:00.000-08:00

My desktop computer is broke again, it worked for a couple days, then the hard drive quite working. So, my awesome computer fixer (aka my bestest friend's hubby), helped me pick out a new hard drive, but he came to put it back in and it hadn't copied, soooo I'm having withdrawal. This computer wigs out and then I have to log off and back on. I can't print my online coupons. I can't webcam with my hubby, and neither can the kids. I am really praying that we don't have to buy a new computer, but if we must we must. We are very grateful to have someone who is able work on it for us, at least if we have to replace it we know it is absolutley necessary.
On the Anastasia front, she is doing great. She went to her first all girls birthday party last night, I didn't let her sleep there, I wasn't ready for that, and we very rarely ever let our kids sleep at other people's houses. She started crying when I went to pick her up, she wanted to stay so bad. The Mom said they did notice she wouldn't stay away from the punch and candy, surprise, surprise. So we had a short talk about only drinking and eating our share when there is unlimited food. Hehe, that is worst behaviour issue when left without me, I think she is doing great!!
I don't have self control around unlimited candy either, ha!
Her birthday party is next Sunday, she wanted to have it at a play place here that is a lot like Chuck E. Cheese.
It is so funny the things we assume she has an understanding of, but does not. She asked me today who chose what day her birthday was on, me or her other mom?
I didn't understand at first. I had to explain that it was the day she came out of her Mommies belly, and that no person picked, you have to be in your Mom's belly for a certain amount of time, then God chooses your day and out you come, and that day is your birthday!!
She also told someone the other day that we changed her name, we did not, but it seemed like it to her. We have always called her Anastasia instead of Nahstya, becaue this is what they referred to her as on the hosting listing that we found her on. She had no clue that Nahstya was a nickname for Anastasia. I explained to her what a nickname was, like Joey for Joseph, Nate for Nathaniel, Bob for Robert, etc... I think she gets it now. I asked her again if she would like us to call her Nahstya and she said no, she does not like that name.
She is so excited about her birthday, we are only going to invite girls, I think she's overwhelmed already so I want to keep the numbers reasonable. I haven't told her that on her birthday that she gets to choose what or where the family gets to eat dinner that night, she takes food serious, I know it's going to be stressful for her to decide!!

I'm Back, A's detailed school update

2010-01-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

The computer is fixed, thank God, and Kevin, my friends husband, whoohoo. This month is the first month we were going to be able to put extra payments on our adoption debt, and it almost looked like that money was going to have to go to buying a computer. I am truly thankful to have someone care enough to fix it for me, what a God send.
So, how is my Girl doing? Pretty well. I would say. I didn't really have any expectations when it came to school for her, not that I expected her not to excel, I knew she was smart, but I had never parented a child who had never had any schooling, spoke a different native language and was about to be stuck in 1st grade. So she has been in school 5.5 months.
She can read at a low first grade level, she is progressing nicely, this is one of the areas she is behind in compared to others in her class, but I did not expect her to be reading as well as she already is.
Math, I would say she is doing very well in, it takes her some work to get some concepts, others she gets easily. First grade is not what it used to be, they are doing things like adding 2 digit numbers, like 35+12, they count by 2,5,10, to 100, foward and backwards, they do word problems (which is her weakest point in math) they count money (took a lot of extra tutoring for her to get that one, etc...
She often gets 100 on spelling tests or only misses 1 or 2, how awesome is that.
Overall her behavior is great at school. For the most part she has stopped pretending she doesn't know something. She does like to read books to an adult, but she does not like taking the inituative to read instructions on a paper or a short story she has to answer questions on, etc... This is something we are working on, it's hard and she doesn't want to do it. She is a little bit bossy, what girl isn't!! And a very sore loser, very, very sore winner, like, in your face I won, haha. Not sure if this has anything to do with her past, I think it is just her personality, makes me laugh inside sometimes but we don't allow her be cruel to others, something that has taken some getting used to, being cruel to others was just fine in the children's home, certainly not a punishable offense.
I am so proud of how well she is doing school, she really works hard at it. I was reading someone else's blog, she was trying to decide wether or not to send her older adopted children to school or homeschool them. The schools explained to her that she would basically have a lot of work to do with them in the evening for them to catch up. So basically this mother said "I would be sending them to school during the day, and homeschooling them at home also" Yes, exactly the school told her. That is very much what it is like. I enjoy helping her learn and don't mind it one bit, but it does take time. We had debating homeschooling her for sometime before sending her to school. She wantd to go to school, and I think that it was the right decision, she needed to learn things from school that are not academic related, like how to interact with others. I am not at the school nearly as much as I was in the beginning, but I am still there every morning, if the teacher is teaching something new, I stick around for the lesson so that I can help her learn it at home if it is not something she grasps at first. Her teacher and I have a great understanding of what I expect from Anastasia behavior wise and it has worked out well. Her teacher knows that she can send home a paper that Anastasia has had a hard time with and that I WILL reteach it at home. I don't know the methods to teach a 1 st grader how to add 2 digit numbers, her teacher does, and she is great at teaching, but no school has time to tutor a child for hours. If you are going to adopt an older child, I think it only right to expect that you've got to step up and do the extra work to make sure the child does as well as they can.
I had asked the ESL teacher if she thought Rosetta Stone would be helpful for Anastasia language developement. From what I've read many older internationally adopted children do very well in school, go on to be head of their calls, valevictorian even, but are still behing in language. So I wanted to give her as much as I can in that area. They don't have the time to do it in school she told me, but Anastasia could have free subsricption to it and do it at home!! How great is that, she started on it last night and she loves it. So far I think it is great, and I think it will help her tremendously. And I don't have to pay for it.
Sorry this was long. This post isn't really for those who like to come here for a short update or for entertainment. But I like to encourage those who have just adopted or are thinking of adopting a school aged child.

Broken Computer/Blessings Abound

2010-01-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

I swear the devil attacks families when a spouse is deployed. Ask deployed spouses how many things have broken while their husbands are away. So yesterday a virus pops up on our main computer, man. But I am very blessed to have a bestest friend with a hubby who happens to be my hubby's bestest friend who can fix computers. But he came over armed with virus fighting instructions for the virus that was on there, and the stinking virus was armed to dismantle every way to fix it, he couldn't even access the hard drive. Sooo, he had to take my hard drive with him to hopefully fix it. It was very sad!! So best case scenario is that it is easy to fix and will take a day or 2 or it could take a lot longer, or it could be unfixable. So right now I am on our ancient laptop, it also has something wrong with it, has for 3 years, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. So this post could end any second.
But I feel so blessed that I can email my hubby, ancient laptop or not. I feel so blessed that I get to talk to him almost every day. I feel so blessed that while some husbands only feel the need to call home once a week my hubby does everything possible to email/call me when it is next to impossible. I love that man so much.

I was so excited to finally get a video up, and yesterday I was in process of uploading a before video of her walking, when my computer went whacky.
People have asked if Anastasia understands what is going on, I think for the most part she does. The people at the Desky Dom had told her that Daddy's go to fight while Mommies stay home to take care of the kids. Thankfully my hubby is in a very safe job, and so we can tell the kids honestly that he is not fighting, that he just has to go far away to work for a very long time. If anything, I think this experience will build her trust and bonding,to see that he really does come back and is still the hubby and Daddy.

Finally a Video for you

2010-01-06T19:19:00.000-08:00

Walking video, Post Op PERCS about 4.5 months, No Braces/AFOS

Bad Blogger

2010-01-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

I know, I'm not a good blogger. I didn't do a Christmas post or a New Years post. I sat down to do one yesterday, but my computer says it's full and I cannot download any pictures, really the same week my husband leaves my computer decides it is full??
2 of the Wii remotes won't work, the cat has decided she would rather poop on the floor rather than the litter box, etc... so is the life a military wife with a deployed spouse. All of our pictures have been moved to an external harddrive, I compressed, I emptied the recycl bin, yadda, yadda, still won't let me download.
Our Christmas was great, the kids had a blast and loved all of their presents. Papaw came for a surprise visit and to visit with Gary before he departed for his deployment Monday morning. We spent the evening with close friends. A very laid back, but joyful Christmas.
My youngest is 5 and he is having anxiety issues, not letting me leave him anywhere. church, babysitters, his friends house, etc...and if I do he cries for a long time. This all started after we told him about the upcoming deployment about a month ago. Yesterday we went to a play place, kind of like Chuck E. Cheese, he sat with me for 2 hours before he would finally get up and play. Tonight is the first night that he did not cry himself to sleep since Gary left. He says he wants to go have fun, but that he does not want to leave me where he can't see me. As soon as we are in a situation he fears this could happen, his stomach hurts. Poor little guy.
So New Years Eve we spent with friends, had a great time. When we headed home a little after midnight, it was very foggy out. We got a little more than half way home, and all of a sudden I couldn't see anything, total white in front of me. I braked hard, then slowwly pulled off to get off the road. The car that came up behind me did the same, and the car after that slammed on his brakes and almost rearended us all. My anxiety child was freaking out, thinking we are about to die, or never make it home, etc... So, I get out of the car to see where I am, there is one of those huge brick mailboxes about 2 feet in front of my car, it was so foggy I couldn't see if from my car. So I pulled into that driveway, so we would be out of harms way. I decided it would be best to turn around, like one of the cars behind me did. I figured maybe the main roads would be better. They were for a while, then all of a sudden, a big line of cars ahead of me were braking suddenly, some with their hazards on, all of a sudden couldn't see anything, but a solid white cloud. So I decided our safety, and Cooper's anxiety level or more important than getting home and we turned around and went back to our friends' house to sleep for the night.
The yard I pulled over into has my tire tracks in it today, oops sorry, but Thank God I didn't get stuck in their yard, and thank God we were safe.
Today I am working on undecorating our huge tree and taking down the Christmas decorations.
I don't feel like saying Happy New Year, when half of it will be spent without my Best Friend. But I know like all hardships, God has great things in store. I will be stronger and have more empathy for others who do this all the time. It feels wrong to feel like I just want the first half of this year to fly by so I can have our family back together, I pray for strength, patience, and wisdom every morning before I even get out of the bed.
So, keep me company, leave me a comment, not a pity party, I give myself enough of those, say Hi, tell me a little bit about yourself, ask me a question, people always have questions about the adoption or military life, talk to me people.

I'm Going for A Run

2009-12-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

This is what I heard as Anastasia was going outside yesterday, and she was very serious. She ran up and down the driveway till she fell and got a bloody lip. About 4months ago she asked me if she'd ever be able to run. I answered her honestly, I didn't know. Her therapist didn't know either, there really is no telling how well her brain will end up connecting her muscles. CP is so complex, and thanks be to God, our bodies are miraculous, and our brain can create new pathways.
Anastasia didn't cry about her bloody lip, she came into the house smiling, "Mom, I fall down, my lip is bleeding, I was running, did you see me"
There were two muscles Anastasia could not control on her own, that she now can, she could not move her foot up and down (ankle movement) and she could not pull her leg up while laying on her belly, like if you were laying on your belly and pulled your foot up to your butt. (sorry only way I know how to explain it)She can now do both of those things, not as easily or as well as you or I, but she can! The next step was to get her to stop using her arms to try to walk and to get her to activate her hips on her own. When we walk we use our hips, she was not, she would curl her arms up, arch her back out, pushing her chest foward. I cannot tell you how many times, I have said "arms down, chest down, walk with your legs not your arms" I doubted myself as a mother all the time. I felt like all I did was nag at her, maybe I should just let her be, she is just a child. And I was tired of hearing myself nag.
Several weeks ago, her therapist and I made the decision to take her out of her braces. The braces had become a toy, she would lean on them, etc... and was falling because of it. And most of all I thought they were creating more bad habits, we didn't need anymore of those. Her gait didn't get any better after that, and it seemed like she was not trying, her chest stuck out farther and when I asked her to correct herself she rarely tried. I did notice that she wasn't dragging her toes hardly at all. She would straighten her leg out after it hit the ground and her foot would hit flat all at one time, making a THWACK sound.
So fast foward to Monday night, we were at the mall, ( I love the mall during Christmas) and whenever we were on hard floor, you would hear us coming, THWACK< THWACK. We kindly asked her to control her feet and set them down gently, THWACK< THWACK. I could tell Gary's nerves were grinding, and so were mine. (it's the truth,sorry) So I stood behind her my hands on her shoulders (I have done this whole thing before, to no avail) "Anastasia, pick up her leg, just a little, now straighten your leg and put it down ON YOUR HEEL first, small steps. I stayed with her for 2 steps then she walked away to Daddy who was ahead of us. As quiet as can be, heels first, arms down, upper body relaxed!! I can't explain how I felt at that moment, our mouths fell open and then we started rejoicing. She was so proud, and she should be.
She is learning to run, her hips working to put her feet down foward, miraculous. So, yes, baby girl you will be able to run.
Her therapist was as surprised and happy as we were.
Anastasia has never been happier. She loves to practice running, she runs all over the house. Imagine never being able to hurry, to rush, so move quickly then all of a sudden you can. She loves it, she feels like she is running fast as lightening. And it's akward and so darn cute.

Just a little Anastasia Cheer

2009-12-22T04:40:00.000-08:00

Only the other Russia Moms will get the true humor in this story. But the other day as we were riding in the car, Anastasia, points at the tights on her legs and asks, "Why in Russia they make me wear these everyday?" "Well, they thought you were always cold." She looks at me like I'm crazy-------"Well, I'm NOT always cold."

Yesterday we were at the mall shopping for shoes for her. When I finally found a pair that worked and were the right size and told her we could buy them, she said, "You make my feelings good Mama, thank you!"
P.S. She needed new shoes because she doesn't wear her braces anymore!!!

We took the kids to a local event called "Walk Through Bethleham" She has so many questions about Jesus, and I try to answer her questions, but her lack of vocabulary and sometimes just her lack of wordly experience and what reality is and isn't, I can tell a lot of it is not making sense to her. I explained to her that we would be going to see what it was like when Jesus was here on earth, a long long time ago.
So we pull into the church where the event takes place and her mouth drops open and she looks sooooooo serious and she looks at me and says, "This is where Jesus lives?"
Then as we are walking through, they have different shops set up like a marketplace setting, animals, etc... And she wants to know how the animals have lived there so long, and who takes care of all the shops, etc... I repeatedly tell her that this is just pretend, like a show, like a movie. She is thinking this stuff has been here since Jesus was here. Finally I think she understands, and we get to the end where they have a live Nativity, and she looks at me and says, "Oh, so, the babys they put in there grow up to be Jesuss" Yes, that is Jesus in plural. (how do you spell that)
Poor thing, I guess I'm not a very good teacher, but we are still plugging along.

Our Family Photo Shoot

2009-12-10T12:02:00.001-08:00

My dear friend helped us take family pictures this past weekend, man it is hard to get 3 kids to cooperate! Now I need to get my Christmas cards done, ha!

Happy Birthday!!!

2009-12-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

NOT
I'm not real sure how she thought she was going to pull this off since I'm in her classroom every morning. But yesterday morning Anastasia's teacher says something to the effect, "is today's Anastasia's Birthday?" I know the look on my face was very puzzled, why in the world would she think today was her birthday?? According to Mrs. G, Little Ms. Thing had started bragging about her birthday around Dec. 1st, telling them that her birthday is Dec. 8th. Obviously very convincingly so. Since Anastasia was added to the class her birthday was on the chart on the wall, and the teacher had not really thought to double check, I mean every 7 year old knows when their birthday is coming up. Immediatley Anastasia's head goes down. "Anastasia, when is your birthday?" I asked her. "After Christmas", she replied. "When after Christmas?" I asked. See I know she knows exactly when her birthday is, she talks about it constantly. "February", "When in February Anastasia?" "February 2nd Mommy"

The classroom sings if it's your birthday and you get a treat bag from the teacher. I know my daughter and she wanted that attention AND that treat bag. I was so disappointed in her for lying, and for lying for such a selfish reason. Some people think this was cute, I did not. Lying is not something we have had a big problem with so I was surprised by this. Then when we got home and I told her she had to tell me why she did it, not because I didn't know, but because I knew it was important for her to say it. She absolutely refused, she said she was not going to say it becuase she didn't want to get in trouble. She knew the more she refused to say it the bigger the trouble would be, she stuck by the fact that she forgot when her birthday was. Finally she did tell me why she did it.
She didn't have a good morning this morning either. Hopefully when I pick her up from school today she will have had a better day.

Disney Pics Cont...

2009-12-04T13:04:00.000-08:00

The one of Gary and the kids that's kinda dark is us waiting to get on The Tower Of Terror, I couldn't even believe Cooper was tall enough to ride it! Cooper and Anastasia were both terrorified by it...then they wanted to do it again, this was the entire families favorite ride.
The boys got to do the Jedi Training Camp, at first Cody wimped out (his shyness got the best of him), then he decided to do it, and since Cooper had already gotten through the line, we had to wait another round, so Cooper graciously let someone go ahead of him and waited another 45 minutes, undoubtedly they will remember this cool experience for a long time. The got lightsaber training by whoever that one guy is, all while wearing a star wars cloke, then they each go to battle Darth Vader one by one, on stage, how cool is that!

Disney Pics

2009-12-04T11:23:00.001-08:00

Finally some pics from our vacation. We did a character dinner with Cinderella, Prince Charming, the evil stepsisters, and evil stepmother. The dinner was a hit with all the kids, the evil step sisters and mother were a hoot, so the boys enjoyed the dinner as much as Anastasia. Plus she shares the name of one of the evil stepsisters. Then the Cinderella that was at Magic Kingdom the day before that she met and talked to was the same one at the dinner, and she remembered Anastasia, so Anastasia thought that was the best. Definitly added to the experience!! She loves Cindrella the best.

Sorry

2009-12-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

I know the title of my last post says, Disney, Thanksgiving, etc... And all I wrote about was Disney. I had good intentions, but when I went to go attach the pictures for Disney, I couldn't find all the pictures I had downloaded, I'm not feeling great, so I gave up. I'm still not feeling great, so it may be a couple days. Sorry!!

Disney, Thanksgiving, etc..

2009-11-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

I know everyone is eager to hear how Disney went. We had a blast! All the kids wanted to do everything, there was not one thing they were scared to ride. There were some things Cooper and/or Anastasia were too short for, but Cody was tall enough for everything. I'm a ride lover, especially roller coasters, and hubby is not, so I enjoyed having someone to go with. By fair the scariest ride was Tower of Terror, I still can't believe all the children went on it....twice. Anastasia sat next to me for that one and part of the ride was dark, but when there was light, the look of terror on that girls face, then she wanted to ride it again!
Anastasia was so excited to meet the Princesses, especially Cinderella, then the next day when we did a character dinner with Cinderella, her step sisters, step mother and Prince Charming, Cinderella had remembered her from the day before!! How cool is that.
The boys waited over an hour to do the Jedi training experience. They only take the first 15 kids in line, and they each get Jedi training, then they get to battle Darth Vader one by one up on stage. How cool is that. Cooper was all about it, Cody almost let his shyness get the best of him, but decided to go at the last minute.
We stayed on a very early schedule, we were in the bed by 9:30 almost every night, and I must say their behavior was great the entire trip.
We got to meet up with same great friends of ours for the day, we used to live by them in FL, and they just happened to be at Disney the same time as us. That was a added bonus to our trip!! It was really great to get to spend some time with them.

6 months

2009-11-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary of our becoming Anastasia's legal parents. Our "Gotcha Day" is not until the 22nd, that is the day we took her from the orphanage it is a common adoption term. Man, I wouldn't take them back for the world, but that was one long 6 months!! The progess she has made is phenomenal, the work we have yet ahead of us is great also, but it is unbelievable to look at her and think 6 months ago she did not know English, couldn't write her name, etc...
We will be in Disney World by the end of this week, she has no idea what to expect but she knows it's exciting! Can you just imagine her face when she sees Magic Kingdom, I don't think she probably has ever dreamt of so much fun in her life.

Cats out of the Bag

2009-11-16T11:48:00.000-08:00

We went ahead and told the kids about Gary's deployment. Although he's never deployed they have seen some of their close friends' Dads deploy and come back, so I think this helped greatly. These kids don't even like Daddy not being here when they go to bed at night, so this is going to be one long deployment, but we will keep busy, and we'll make it through just fine.
Anastasia didn't react the way I expected, I can usually predict her reactions. But this was an odd one. She found the whole thing kind of amusing I think, then she said, "when I get big, I'm going to break my life" I asked her what that meant, and she replied, "when I'm big and married, I'm going to take my baby and go to another house away from the Daddy" Not sure why this discussion came up, maybe she thinks Daddy is leaving us kind of??? I assured her that was not the case, and that it's really not a good idea to "break your life", that Daddy and I are never going to leave each other, we will be together forever, as long as both of us are alive, and that I will never take my children away from him, it's wrong, it would hurt a lot of people, etc...

I guess after 2 weeks I owe you something

2009-11-08T16:54:00.000-08:00

Well, not really. So what has been going on lately. Well, first our renters moved out of the property we own, not something we expected, so we had to make some very quick decisions, after some prayer we both decided to list the house for sale. Easy enough right, except, the house was left with about 10 lbs of dog hair and a horrible dog odor. Not like dog urine, they didn't mistreat the house, but it stinks. 2 professional cleanings, about 7 hours of cleaning the carpets myself, many many carpet sniffings, we are still not resolved on the issue. The odor has clung to some rooms, and in the mean time, this makes the house unshowable. So 8 days into our double mortgage payment (well technically rent and mortgage) we have still not been able to show the house.
We made the decision to ask our renters to move out a month early becuase we realized the house was not showable with them in it. This was a good decision, because the lease was up DEc1 and Gary is due to deploy shortly after that, and I would have hated for his last days here to have been us dealing with this.
Speaking of his last days here, I was kind of keeping it hush hush, but really, I need to whine, he is due to leave very, VERY, soon after Christmas, so soon that we pray it does not turn into before Christmas. And he will be gone 6 months, it just really hit me several days ago. We haven't told the kids yet, we want to wait till after our Disney trip, the Disney trip that we don't have the heart to cancel even though we can't afford it since our house no longer has tenants in it. Our Wii is broken, we tried everything online that it said to do, to no avail. I got $168.00 speeding ticket, yes the officer said I was going 53 in a 35, Cooper was in the back seat screaming that he has to go to the bathroom, I guess that is why I did not notice how fast I was going. And by the time the leisurely officer wrote my ticket the child had pooped his pants, so in addition to a speeding ticket I had a poopy 5 year old. My boys behavior has been way out of sorts, not listening, hitting each other, just being mean. Obviously I'm doing something wrong, and my husband is about to deploy, so somehow I've got to think of a way to be a better parent, despite the fact that we are about to be down 50% on the parentage in this house. The kids are going to really stress out when they find out Gary is deploying. Anastasia and Cooper had a conversation out of nowhere the other morning, in which he said people who go to war to fight and die, and Anastasia said the people in Russia told her that the Mommies stay home while the Daddies go to fight. Great!!! We are blessed that my husband couldn't be in much more of a "safer" position over there, but really.
I'm sorry, that was a whine fest, but I got it out. The monetary stuff, is just that, only money, and I am grateful on a day that my biggest worry is a speeding ticket and not a sick loved one or something of that sort. But really sometimes a girl just needs to whine. I promise by the next time I post I will have gathered my senses and I will have something more useful to you than some whining.

My Commenter Wendy

2009-10-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Even though I don't know her, Wendy is my #1 commenter, never afraid to say what her thoughts on the situation are. And I love her for it. I love other people's perceptive on things. She had commented that maybe Anastasia acted out at the PP report because we had told her the report was going to Russia, and maybe if she acted out we would send her back. It's funny that she suggested that, because that's exactly what I suggested to my husband. I don't think her actions were thought through, and I don't think she really wants to go back, I had forgot about the appointment until 2 hours beforehand, so she didn't have much forwarning.

We got the video of the interview with Anastasia's grandparents interview, but it is not translated yet. That costs more money-that we don't have right now. So there are possibilities of friends who know people who speak Russian helping us out with that. But I did show her the video,some of it. When she saw her grandparents looking at her pictures, she blurted out, "But I can't go back There" I think it was odd to her that her grandparents see her new life, I think she thought for a minute they were going to ask for her back. I assured her that was not the case. That they missed her, but that they were very happy that she had a family.
I only let her see a small part of the video. Her grandfather was weeping, and just repeatedly picked up the pictures from us and kept looking at them over and over. I didn't feel she was ready to see all that. Although we don't know what was said in the video we do know that her grandparents were so thankful that we contacted them, and they were eager to speak with us. I used a translator to call on Friday, I spoke with the grandmother. I kept the converstion basic, once I watch the video I can ask questions. She just thanked me over and over. She said how loving me and my husband looked and that they were so happy that she got a family. That was the just of the conversation. There are several things that we know, that were disappointing. They have no pictures of Anastasia when she young-none. They were all given to her biograndmother after her mother died. And the one picture they sent me of her biomother is the only one the grandparents have.

Same day, still no cute titles

2009-10-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you waiting on the edge of your seat. We did get the "results" back from her family search, and will have contact with her grandfather. Both he and his second wife seem like wonderful people. They wanted to adopt Anastasia but could not for very legit reasons. They truly care for her and care how she is doing.
We did get some pictures, although none of Anastasia as a baby like I had yearned for. Mostly of her grandparents. One of her mother. When I showed it to her, she said, "who is that" It broke my heart. That is not how she remembered her, she looked very young in the picture, maybe even a teenager.

No cute title

2009-10-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

I'm too tired to think of a cute title. Today we had our first post placement report, ....that I forgot about until 3:30pm. This is for her 6 month mark, except it needs to be in Russia by 6 months, so we have to do it right after her 5 month mark. It seems like it has been longer than 5 months doesn't it??
So, the meeting went great, our social worker is a joy. Anastasia decided to show out while she was here. Whining and complaining that her brothers didn't want to play with her, that she had nothing to do, that she was bored, that she wanted dessert, on and on. I think the meeting took 30 minutes-if that. She asked for dessert about 6 times, even though we told her not until we were done. She knows better, she was testing us. Then when I told her to come sit by me, she looked right at me and refused, both Gary and I. Not once, but 3 or 4 times. I held my ground, and she came and sat by me, and continued to pout, whine, etc... Not usually what she acts like in front of others. I told her the meeting was so that Russia would know how she was doing. Not sure why she acted that way. I didn't dole out a punishment but I talked to her about how she thought she looked to the social worker. That I had told the social worker what a good girl she was, and then she acted like that. We talked about the meaning of the word rude.

Wheez??

2009-10-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

You know as in, "Anastasia go tell your brother it's time to eat." And in response she says, "wheez?" or "Anastasia go get your white and black bow for your hair." "OK Mommy, wheez?"

Wheez has been her abbreviation for "where is it" or "where is he" really any thing that has to do with where? There are many things she says that only make sense to us, you know kind of like when you have a toddler. We don't correct her grammar hardly at all becuase I feel like we are constantly correcting other things, school work, the way she walks, the way she sits, blah blah blah. But I told Gary we really need to choose several things to work on when it comes to language. And as cute as it is, wheez has got to go. And it is just like having a toddler, you correct them, then you miss them saying it. There are several things she used to say that we miss so much, but others cannot understand her.

For several weeks she was adding part onto all sorts of sentences. Like, "Mommy, can I have that part" Except there is no part, she just picks up a phrase and uses it. I let it go for a while, I explained what the word part meant. Finally I said, "OK, you may never ever use the word part EVER again!"

Now I have noticed that instead of just saying "there" she says "right there". This morning she wanted a bowl for her snack. When she went to get one, she came back and said, "right there doesn't have any bowls."

Too stinkin cute

Hello Wendy...Ummmm

2009-09-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

OK, this is a little bit funny, OK pretty funny. I have a dear friend from Church named Wendy. I have been getting comments from a Wendy pretty often. I know that Wendy from church reads my blog, so I thought they were from her. So today I send her an invite to lunch and to say thanks I love all the comments you leave on my blog. Hahahaha, only to get an email back saying that she has never left a comment, although she reads my blog. OOPS!! I have even replied back to "Wendy" thinking it was the Wendy from church.

So, embarrassingly I have to ask, Wendy do I know you. I think you are a follower of my blog that I do not know personally. But if I do actually know you in "real" forgive me.

---I have many friends whom I have met online, through blogs, etc... Fellow adoptive Moms or CP Moms, some who are just as dear to me and just as huge blessings as "real" friends whom I know in the flesh----

And Wendy whomever you are thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment. I seem to have lots of traffic from many states and countries but hardly any comments, so Thank you!!!!

PE and Carousels Make Me Cry

2009-09-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

So, my last post was Saturday Morning. Saturday afternoon's excersises and stretches went GREAT!!! I know this is due to our new change in scenery when it comes to her PT. Afterwards she said, "I can wear my earrings?" Haha, I had bought these really cute clip on earrings for her as an incentive. She wants her ears peirced but we are waiting for her birthday. I bought them about a month ago, the deal was, if she does a good job on her PT that day, then she gets to wear them. Well, she has gotten to wear them 2x in the past month. She had not even asked for them lately, because she knew what the answer would be. Sunday's PT was horrible again, crying, screaming, "Mommy why you like to hurt me, stop it, stop it" Those are just a few of her favorites!! I have also been scratched, and she has tried to bite me once. I can tell you that there is no difference in what I am doing or the intensity of it, it's all in her attitude. She knows that, and has claimed it, which is a great step towards making it better. Yesterday she did great again. I can tell you that having 2great days so close together has never happened before, and it has been great. Not only because she progresses so much faster, I don't get assualted, etc... But since there are no temper flaring or punishments to serve, I actually get to just enjoy her. There are so many fun things I want to do with her or show her, but I can't when the day has been preceded with scratching, refusal to work, etc...

Saturday we took the kids to a little festival on base. She loved it. I have not seen her smile that big in a while. She had never ridden a carousel before, it made my eyes well up with tears to see how happy she was. I mean what kid hasn't ridden on a carousel. She also rode one of those spinny rides with Cody, she was smooshing him cause she was sitting on the inside, she was laughing so hard. She is also doing PE now, sometimes on her own, sometimes I go. That made me cry too.

The searcher is supposed to have the meeting today with her grandfather. Actually due to the time difference, it should have already happened.

Training (and training.. and.. training) a Child in the Way They Should Go

2009-09-26T06:55:00.001-07:00

SO, where have I been you ask? Refer back to the title of this post. First of all Anastasia is doing great. No, that's not a she's doing great, everything is perfect, I mean she is doing great considering.
First of all in school- She is catching up quickly
Lack of vocabluary holds her back in some situations, she can't comprehend quick enought to act as quickly as the other children. Part of this is due to lack of comprehension the other part is due to her not paying attention.
Math is going great, she picks it up quickly, she can do addition, subtractions, up to number 10 and sometimes above, she can count by 5 and 10s, which I was not expecting yet. She is starting to memorize money and their values, this is proving to be more difficult for her.
REading is harder than math for her but she is still doing good in it. She knows all the sounds of the letter and can sound out small words, she is learning sight words and does well on her reading comprehension tests, although we are still doing the most simple of books, she is doing better and better.
Almost all of her difficulties come from her not paying attention, talking, etc.. She has had her seat moved, which was needed and has helped. People still baby her, teachers, students and parents alike. At this point I'm not sure why. I mean there is a reason she is not in in special ed, she is normal cognitively, but that is not how people treat her. Her teacher is holding her accountable for her actions, and I hope everyone else will get used to her and follow suit, becuase her being the center of attention all the time is not helping her behavior one bit. And I've never known a strong person who got that way by others babying them.
Overall in things other than PT I would say things are going much better than to be expected. PT is torture. I work with her everyday. Her and Gary clash and nothing gets done when he tries to work with her, although this is improving some. PT is full of nothing but self pity, anger, whining, acting out, crying, drama, etc... I know why, I mean she has never had to do anything before she came to us. It's not like any other child with CP who has had this their whole life. But this is beyond that, unfortunely part of her personality. She does not want to work, she does not care if she gets better or worse, if she never had to work again and that meant she couldn't walk, she would be fine with that. There is no self motivation, only self pity. I work and work to instill in her pride about the improvements she has made so far. She sees the evidence, but truly hates to work physically in any way shape or form. Do I sound harsh? Yes, is it the truth? Yes. Was I hoping things would turn around so I wouldn't have to do this post? Yes. Have I given up? No, no, no.

Last week I got a blessing, we got in at the PT clinic here in town. And she has started with a new therapist 2x a week. This therapist is on the same page as me, and is not babying Anastasia. This is a blessing to me because I was the only person holding Anastasia accountable, I was the bad guy all the time. Especially since her old therapist hardly made her do anything and she babied her. Now Anastasia sees that she really does have to work, not only for Mommy. And it takes some of the guilt off of me, I mean this is not fun. I tried to make it fun with prizes, silliness, etc.. None of this helped.
Just this week I found shoes that fit over her afos, that are much less bulky than her other shoes, she is able to walk smoother in them, and also able to sit criss cross apple sauce in them. Well I was observing her in class on Thursday and she was sitting on the floor with everyone else for a lesson. I told her to sit criss cross applesauce, she had done it on her own all during PE the day before without realizing it. So I tell her to do it, no big deal. She just looked at me. So got down on the floor in front of her and told her again, still calm. She just looks at me and smirks. I tell her one more time, then I tell her not to come out to the hall so we can talk. She says sitting that way hurts her booty, hmm, didn't hurt yesterday in PE. And besides she hadn't even tried, she was just plain defiant. So I tell her she will have a punishment to serve when we get home, when Mommy tells you to do something just to not do it is not an option. Well to make a point she went right back into that classroom and did not sit the way I told her to.
Why is this so hard. I mean when she has music and PE and is able to dance like the other children, on her own, something she couldn't do before, she gets a huge smile on her face, she is happy. When she can bend her knees and jump, just barely getting her little feet off the ground, she is so excited. She wants to do what the other children are doing. But if it gets her attention to not do it, she would rather take that road. I don't understand it. But I'm not giving up. I want her to be successful, happy, motivated, all that she can be. Not to sound corny. I don't want her to grow up to be self absorbed, self pitying, just waiting for someone to enable her. We all know people like that. Are they your true friends? Do they love God or do they hate them for the situations they are in? Are they self reliant?
If she ends up like that my heart will break. So right now we are training, training, training, and training this child in the way she should go.

Birthfamily Search cont...

2009-09-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

We recieved news today that the searcher in Russia has an appointment with her Grandfather in 10 days. That her grandfather is gathering family photos and is very excited. We could not ask for better results so far, we are so excited for her!!
Our priority is for her to have a photo of her birthmother and of course we would love to have some pictures of when she was smaller.
So, we eagerly await. If you pray, please pray over this appt. we want Anastasia to know as much as possible about her birth family, some details may not be appropriate for her now, but contact with her grandfather and a photo of her birthmother would be priceless.

Video Help Please!

2009-09-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

I have tried many times to upload video using the video upload button, but it has never worked for me. How long does it usually take to upload video? Do I need to do something else?

Help me

Worst Punishment Ever

2009-09-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

So since she cut her hair, I was not going to reward her by taking her to the salon like I had planned. So she got a home haircut ala Mom.

What is an AFO?

2009-09-07T06:35:00.000-07:00

These are pictures of Anastasia's AFOs, they had many different patterns to choose from, and in her defense the butterflies truly were the cutest. This week they will add hinges so she can bend at the ankle. She needed to build a little strength first.

The Trues

2009-09-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

We had our first little lesson in truth and lies today. This was Anastasia's first complete day without me at school. Cody woke up with a sore throat. Gary took the younger 2 to school so I could stay with Cody and get him to the doctors. The last time she had most of the day at school to herself, she choose not to eat any of her sandwich at lunch and only at the snacks and dessert, then told the teacher she had no snack, haha, testing the reigns of independence and freedom of choice.
So overall it seems her first day totally without me went great. Until my eyes settled on her pretty little face and noticed that there was a chunk of hair missing. Yes, ladies and gentlemen we have a hair cutter!! Honestly I felt a little honored I mean as a boy Mom I may have never gotten to deal with this, but it seems every little girl deals her hand into a little hair chopping.
So I figured I'd give her a chance to out herself. My first thought was, well maybe she has no clue that this would not be acceptable. So I asked her, "Did you cut your hair" Of course she said no. "Mmm, I think you did, look at that piece right there."
At this point her teacher asked her, I mean that's who she owed the truth to really, it was on her clock that she cut her hair! And out came a big old creative whopper out of my precious daughter's mouth. " I was cutting a paperwork and I cut my hair, I not mean to" Her teacher expressed to her that she hoped she was telling the truth because if not she would have to take her scissors away from her like she does the other children when they do something they shouldn't with their scissors. But that was her story and she was sticking to it!! I even let her know that if she told me the truth that the punishment would be little but if she told me another lie that it would be big, and she choose to stick by her lie.
How I wished she had told the truth because I missed her while she was away all day, that is the longest I've been away from her. I just wanted to kiss her squishy cheeks I didn't want to have to deal out punishments and teach a lesson on telling the truth.
So when we got home she choose to stay by her lie, and laugh about it! Oh boy!
So she got 2 punishments, one was writing her teacher a letter to apologize.
And of course we had a long talk about lies and truth. Due to the language barrier, lies were explained as fake, and truth is what really happened. I know she knew that cutting her hair was wrong, she hid the evidence! She admitted to that. However it seemed to me she did not understand how wrong lying really is. Lying is a federal offense in my house, DO NOT DO IT!
Before bed she told me she did not want to make bad choices anymore and can I please tell her how to stop. I told her what a good girl she is (she truly is) and that sometimes we make bad choices, everyone, and that we need to try harder, and next time she needs to tell me the truth no matter what. I explained to her that God wants us to make good choices and when we don't he gets sad. I have to tread God lessons lightly because she is having a hard time understanding. She asked if I could lay in bed with her and talk because she had lotsa lotsa trues to tell me.
We love laying in bed talking. We used to do it so much more before school started.
I think saddly she learned something today that maybe has not been reinforced in her before.

Pictures I Took Forever Ago and Never Posted

2009-09-02T07:13:00.001-07:00

One of my goals this week is to catch up on picture posting. I took these several months ago, I know pitiful. But I love them and wanted to share them with you. They really do look related by blood, and in the pictures you can truly tell that they are related in their hearts.

Just Waiting to Pull the Plug

2009-08-31T18:53:00.000-07:00

So today Russia came up again.
She said under her breath, "I want to go see Russia soo bad",,,"I mean, never mind"
Me-, "I am excited to go visit Russia with you when you get bigger too, it will be so much fun"
Her, "I'm not being mean Mommy, me not hurting your feelings"
Me, "I know baby"

Her, "I KNOW (like she has got the best idea that will solve the entire returning to Russia issue), when you die I can go back to Russia"
Me, "Well, you will probably be an adult when Mommy dies"
Her, "OK"
Me, "So what would you do there"
Her, "I would live"
Me, "with who"
Her, "the Desky Dom"
Me, "You cannot live at the Desky Dom, they are for children, and your Desky Dom is for children who are younger than 8, so you could not live there"
Her, "I will work then and make money."
Me, "if you work there you will have to learn Russian again"
Her, "Oh, OK, I mean, maybe not, I don't know"

Me, "What about Daddy, Cody, and Cooper, they will be big, but they would miss you"
Her, "Mommy, I'm not trying to be mean"

Me, "I know" (In my head, "that is why it is so sad")
Me, "How about if you go there for a couple days, stay in a hotel, visit, then you can come back"
Her, "OK, maybe"
Me, "Can I come with you, I really loved Russia and I would love to visit it again."
Her, "Sure"

It would be so much easier if she were yelling these things at me because she was mad about doing her homework. Do you understand?

We are stressing over and over again, in many ways, books being one of them. That we love her forever, she is stuck with us forever, she is our daughter forever.

Even in a conversation unrelated to Russia, she said something about when she grows up and gets married she will miss me. After conversation I realized she thinks that would mean I am all done being her Mommy. She thinks us Mommies are temporary, why wouldn't she? Breaks my heart.

Some people misunderstood my last post about attachment. I was not saying look at all we've done for her and see how ungrateful she is, I am saying look at all we've done for her and she does not understand we love her yet. We do not feel as if we "saved" Anastasia. We added her to our family. Because her special needs are of a huge focus and take a lot of work sometimes I think this is how it seems to some people, understandably. I have come to realize in the past several weeks that she has very little understanding what a family is. How long with that take? I don't know. And unfortunatly there have been things that were told to her that are making things harder. Such as America made her sick and then she went back to the Desky Dom and made all the other people sick-all America's fault. And someone told her that she must not stay in America because we have pigs that make us sick and she will get sick.

Attachment is complicated, but here is what I think, I think she is attached to us, but I don't think even she understands what that means. I think with time her attachment will normalize and she will understand, but only time will make that happen. Here is what I know, we are attached to her, it is different than attaching to a bio child that you have carried and birthed. It is a different process, fully as special, and more complicated, but an unconditional love for sure.

But on a more comical note, if ever there is someone debating on wether or not to pull my plug, just make sure my daughter has not already booked her flight to Russia.

Bye Bye Casts!!!

2009-08-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

We are so excited! Anastasia gets her casts off tomorrow. It was going to be Friday, but they moved it up. We will go in at 8:30 to have them removed, impressions made for the AFOS (leg braces) and then go back t 3:30 to pick up the AFOS.
She is excited but a little scared of the unknown. She will probably relapse some. She has never had to use her ankles before because her tendons were so tight. But within several weeks I expect her to be walking with no walker and much better than she ever has. I will post pictures after she gets her AFOS, as I know several of you still are not sure exactly what I'm talking about.

Holding Out

2009-08-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been holding on posting becuase I couldn't decide if I was going to post about something that had happened. You've probably noticed there's not much I'm shy about posting, I've been very real with you. However you are.
Those of you fanatic adopters probably know all about "attachment" many of us researched it before we adopt, some after, some never, whatever, but at some point it is an issue or a wondering. I wonder if she trusts me, I wonder if she knows what she is saying when she says she loves me,etc... And you know what, I think the children go through the same wonderings. Anastasia still asks sometimes, "Mommy, You I love Me?" Up until last Friday if you had asked me if I thought she was securely attached to us, I would have said yes.
So last Friday we were making up some cards for the orphanage, one of our friends is leaving for their first trip for another little girl from Anastasia's orphanage. They live right down the street, by coincedence, it's not like we have a "Let's adopt from the same orphanage club"
I knew it was going to make for some sort of an issue, because anytime she sees pictures of the little boy "V" she gets very upset. Remember, he's waiting for her, he loves her, etc....
So this brought up the question, "Mommy when I'm bigger I can go back to Russia to visit, right" "Yes Anastasia we will go back and visit, it will be fun"
"Good Mommy, I want to visit the Desky Dom (orphanage) and maybe play for a while."
"Ok, we can do that" I replied
"ACTUALLY, I want to go back now, and not come back, I want to stay in Russia"
She used to say things like that to us, to tease us, and we would tease back, alright we'll go get your suitecase, we'll see you when you get back, etc.... But it's been a while since it came up, because we always talk with her about visiting there later.
Cooper was sitting with us and he got very upset, he jumped up and ran over to her and wrapped his arms around her, "You can't go back, I love you"
To which she said, "it's ok Cooper, I will send you a present" At this point she sounded so serious that I thought she must be kidding, (if that makes sense)
I told her I would cry if she went to Russia and never came back, she said "it's Ok Mommy, don't cry" I tried to explain to her that if she stayed in the Desky Dom she would not have a Mommy and Daddy or brothers. She said she knew that, but she still wanted to go back. I wasn't really sure what to make out of all of what she was saying. But we needed to hop in the car and take the cards over to our friends house, so just her and I went, I figured we could talk more on our way home.
Well, we get to our friends house, they open the door, and she shouts out, "Guess what I'm going back to Russia forever!"

THUD......(that was heart)

Me, slightly embarrased, competely heartbroken, "No sweety, we can go back later for a visit, but you cannot go back by yourself, we are my daughter"
Her, "No, it's OK Mommy, I am going"

What the ???????

Our friend was giving us some clothes that would not fit her future daughter, Anasastasia turned to me and said, "why are taking these dressed when I won't be here"

Really, it this happening???

Once we leave there I am about in tears. I explain to her that she really is not going back to Russia for good, that she our daughter forever. She is really mad at me, saying she will send me a present and she will miss me. No really Anastasia, you are making Mommy sad, you are part of our family, you cannot go back to Russia. But I miss my friends Mommy. Yes, I understand that Anastasia, but those friends are not always going to be there, some will get Mommies and Daddies, and some will get older and go to different Desky Doms. She says it's Ok Mommy I still want to go.
By this time, I am so hurt by what seems to be true hard evidence that the child that I have bathed, fed, drove 2 days to have surgery, done physical therapy with everday, spend 24/7 with at school, has not attached to me at ALL!! I mean what else does she need as evidence that we are here for HER, that we love her, that we are dedicated to her. When we come home I tell her to got to her room to think about things for a little while, and that Mommy needs to be by herself for a little while. This was done very kindly, not as a punishment. Gary and I talk about it privately, then call her in. I felt it very important to emphasize 2 things to her, 1. being that we are her Mommy and Daddy forever, just like we are Cody and Cooper's forever and that we love her, and 2. That she hurt my feelings and that I cried. Sounds harsh, but it's reality.
She had no tears. But we eventually got down to the root of the issue at hand.
Her rational is, That children do not die, and parents do.
She said, "If I stay here, you are just going to die"
I can't promise to my children that I'm not going to die, but I did tell her that I didn't think I was going to die for a very long time. She said, "Ya, when you have white hair you will die, I don't want you to die"
I think most of the attachment issues she is having, it for that very reason, she thinks at any moment I could die, there is no reason to attach to me.
Soon I will seek counseling for her, I think this would be good, and much needed.
She loved life in the Desky Dom, I will never deny that. But she was also happy to leave there, they said they never saw I child so eager to leave.

So everday, both Gary and I throw in a couple extra I love yous, and make an effort to tell her at least once a day, "I am your Mommy forever" or "I am your Daddy forever"

She told me that next day that she was sorry for hurting my feelings and that she will never say she wants to leave again. I told her I understood why she felt the way she did and that my feelings were just fine now. And of course, that she is stuck with me forever.

Losing her "Ruskey"

2009-08-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

The Russian word for Russian is "Ruskey" and for English is "Englaskey"
Sometimes when I tell her the English word for something I will ask her to tell me the Russian word for it. So today we were going over our shapes, as I was telling her what they were, she was telling me what they were in Russian. Then all of a sudden when I pointed to the triangle, her face went blank. She said, "I don't know because I Englaskey, englaskey, englaskey, and now Ruskey I don't know!"
My poor girl. Everyone had told me around 3-4 months they lose their Russian. She has been home 2.5 months. This is upsetting to her. I told her when she got older we could relearn the Russian.

As her English gets better and better, she is able to tell me more and more about her life in Russian. Most is hard to hear. It is not like having a child from birth that you have been able to protect everyday. She had a totally different life before us. Most of what she shares with me we are keeping private, for her sake, just some things are hers to share when she gets older. But some things I will share, I know there are other adoptive parents reading this blog, searching for information or a sense of what this journey is like. You must prepare yourself that there will be things in their past, things that can effect who they are, their habits, their fears, etc...

Not even 72 hours post op...

2009-08-03T05:52:00.000-07:00

and we are off pain meds!!! The timing of her pain meds, (tylenol with Codiene) was off yesterday, so come bedtime it was not anywhere near time for another dose. So I gave her some Jr. Motrin. This morning she "walked" to the bathroom with me holding her upright of course. She said, "mommy today it feels better." I replied, "yes, remember Mommy told you every morning it will be better, until one morning it will not hurt anymore." She said, "well a little better, not so much better" Mmmhmm, girl you are bearing your weight 3 days post op, I would say that is so much better!!
She can now long sit, with her legs straight out in front of her. Miraculous in the world of CP, and when she walks, although she is in casts, her heels touch the ground before her toes, brings tears to my eyes when I see it. We hope to be able to get her a walker today, she has to learn how to walk "normal" her mind and body is not used to it and neither are her muscles. Before she was bouncing off the tight heel chords, not really using her muscles to walk. She is determined to walk, she does not like sitting still.

Surgery Update

2009-08-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

The first picture was taken the day after surgery. Those braces she has on are supposed to be warn for the first day then overnight until she is not curling her legs up while sleeping. We only used these braces for the first 9 days I think. Then I tried her without them, and when I went to wake her up her legs were stretched out as straight as a board-sweet success!!!
The second is the same day as surgery. Already you can tell the huge difference she could not sit with her legs straight out in front of her like that at all before. The white cotton on her thighs is covering the "incisions" there. 4 weeks after the surgery you cannot see the incisions at all, but you can see her skin pucker there when she is crawling, we just noticed this, no big deal, what a difference from the traditional method!!
Things went great, as to be expected. Dr. Yngve is the nicest surgeon I have ever met. He let me come back and stay with her till the gas had put her to sleep. This was a huge help becuase when they went to take her in, she started crying. He gives his CP patients a special type of anesthesia that wears off slowly so their muscles don't go into panic spastic mode when they suddenly wake up. She was upset the first couple hours, she wanted an explanation for each and every thing on her body. Over and OVER again. We were back at the hotel around 2:30. Periodically she would get herself worked up over the details like how will she go potty in the middle of night, or how will she play with her toys. They are allowed to start trying to bear weight and walk the next day, and she was all about it. With me holding her up of course. This morning she asked if she could try crawling, so she did that. Overall it is the most motivation I have ever seen in her. She will have her casts on for 4 weeks, then she will have AFOS, which are little leg braces. There is a lot of training to be done with her legs, muscles to be built up, etc... She will probably go to school with a walker at first. She is not happy the boys will start school without her for a week. I had wanted to homeschool her, but she got very upset about that. So we are going to try school. She will be in the first grade, just a grade behind her age. She is a fast learner. Her English is going great. Right now our favorite Anastasiaisms are "Ahh Mam" Anything that has man in it she puts mam in because she says she is a girl not a boy. It is so stinkin cute. She also says peep instead of peed, which is so funny the way she says it.

Friends, Beach, and Surgery, here we come!

2009-07-24T09:40:00.000-07:00

We are making a little trip out of her surgery. We will stop in MS to stay with our very dear friends for several days. We were stationed with them in FL and we are so excited to get to spend some time with them, they just happen to be exactly half way to Galveston where A will have her surgery!! Then we will head to Galveston on Monday where we will introduce her to the beach and enjoy some family time before the start of school. I have had many long conversations with her about what is coming, and she seems very well prepared and ready.

This has been a very emotional week. The search for Anastasia's grandfather has opened up some very long conversations with Anastasia. She has shared with me the details of her mother's death. It is tragic and she witnessed it. I can't even type that without tears coming to my eyes for my daughter. She shared with me many other things over the past couple days, things about her life in Russia. Things that are not pretty.
The fact that she is sharing so much so soon is a good sign of her attachment and bonding with me. I feel privilaged that she trusts me so much. And today after we talked she asked if we could pray together, so that "the bad things would go out of her head" (so she would forget them)
We are sparing nothing to find her grandfather, she wants a picture of her "Natasha Mommy" (that's what we call her) She should have that and if she doesn't get it it will be hard for her, not just now but in the future. She crys saying that there were 2 boxes of pictures but they would not let her have them. She is so grown for her age. I do pray so hard for the healing of her mind and heart from these things she has been through and seen.

I had planned to homeschool her for several months, but she insists on going to school. Even though she knows she will have casts on her legs and that she will be put in a classroom with children younger than herself. She still insists on going. So she will probably miss the first week, then if she is walking alright she can go the following week. They did some testing at the school and we don't know yet if she will be in a kindergarten or first grade classroom. They said they know she will catch up so fast, based on what she has learned already, but without the "tests" to prove it they may not be able to place her in first. So we will see.
She has learned so much, she is very smart. And the girl who screamed 2 months ago when I was holding her in the pool can now swim across the pool by herself and even float on her back!! Watching her everyday is amazing.

Official Surgery Plans!

2009-07-15T07:34:00.000-07:00

So up until now I have been going back and forth on the surgery. It is a lot making decisions for your child, I want what will be best for her, the VERY best. So after tons of prayer, research, talking with Gary, etc... We have decided to go ahead.
She will have her consultation on the 30th and surgery on the 31st, then we will spend one night there, and head home on the 1st.
I was concerned about our insurance covering the surgery, but the approval came through this morning, and we think they will have to pay travel expenses also. What a blessing to say the least.
If you are a prayer warrior, first of all we pray for her safety, we pray for her understanding that she knows we are doing what is best for her, we pray for her to be motivitated to help herself, she does not like to do her stretches and exercises. I try to explain to her that it is her body, I can stretch it for her, but I cannot build up her muscles for her. She has no self motivation. We are seeing slow improvement in this as she sees that she can accomplish things, such as swimming, standing up on her own, etc...
I have not been able to explain to her that she will not start school with the boys. I think she will be happy to have me to herself during the day. I mean I had Cody for 3 years by himself, and Cooper has had the 3 also while Cody was in school, I think it will help our bonding to have that time together.
She is learning so quickly, we see no signs that she is behind cognitivly. She has a great attention span, and loves to do the work. Her occupational therapist is helping me with a "method" of teaching her to write her letters that I think will help us along.
I'm going to post a lot of pictures in the next couple days, so stay tuned for those!!

My Friend

2009-07-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

Today we are traveling north of Atlanta to visit with one of the other little girls from Anastasia's orphanage. She was adopted just months before Anastasia and they are good friends. This will be their first visit since being home. She is so excited. I'll post and let you know how it goes, I am super excited for her.

I'm Here

2009-07-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

So after my last post we realized it was not a kidney stone, it was the flu, I was sick for 4 days, then Anastasia was sick for 2 hours, then Gary was sick for 2 days.
Ya, notice that Anastasia was sick for 2 hours, tough cookie, then she was mad that right after she vomited I wouldn't give her chicken nuggets. LOL
At the last minute Gary was able to take off work so we packed up, and drove overnight to Ohio to visit my family. The kids were marvelous in the car, both on the way there and on the way back.
Our visit was great, too short, and crazy busy, but great. Anastasia took to meeting everyone better than we thought she would. She told my Grandma that she was Hannah Montana and proceeded to sing and put on a performance! As always she more to the women, especially my sister and Aunt. On our last day there she turned to my sister and said, "Me, I love you" How precious! Some of her favorite things from the trip: tickles from Aunt Kelly and Uncle Dave, Feeding the fish with Grandma Alice and Papa Joe, Wrestling with Cousin Bryan, Flicking people with my Grandma, Going shopping with Nana Lyn and Aunt Jamie, and the sparklers and fireworks.

Some of my favorite things from the trip:
Her telling my sister she loved her,
Her running into the house exclaiming, "Look Mommy and Daddy at THIS, me found!" It was a pinecone!!
Her declaring she is Supermam, the female version of Superman.
She fell in love with one of my Grandma's dogs, she said the dog has "eyes like babydoll"

It was just a great trip, watching my family fall in love with our wonderful daughter just as quickly as we did. And it was some nice respite for me to have her attention off of me for a bit, I think it refreshed us both.

Oh, and I got to see the "book" my Grandma Alice made of my blog. Oh my goodness, it's huge, I would have never guessed it would be that big all printed out, I should have taken a picture. It was very sweet of her to do that, and everytime I post she prints it out and adds it to the book so my Papa can read it.

"in the morning yous better Mommy, OK?!"

2009-06-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

There really is no good title for the past couple of days. On the Anastasia front-she's doing wonderful! No fits the past 3 or 4 days. We even had to make a 3 hour trip to the dentist this past Friday, for Cody, Cooper, and I. She couldn't be seen yet because her insurance doesn't kick in till July 1st. The boys got really cool prizes, and although she was a little disappointed I told her she would have her turn in a couple weeks, and there was no complaints from her. So proud of her behavior. There were even mermaid toothbrushes and plastic tiaras. But she held strong!
Her therapy is going well, to say the least. Either Gary or I stretch er 30 minutes a day, we also do some crunches and "kicks" Her walking is going great, sometimes her right heel almost touches the floor. She is showing more resilience, which is my utmost goal right now. If she does not try and try and believe she can do it than there is no point.

Saturday while out and about at Walmart, I got some sudden pain in my stomach and back, I grabbed the car keys while Gary and the boys checked out, I barely made it to the car, the thought of laying down in the middle of the parking lot crossed my mind. I'm 99% sure it is a kidney stone. I had them 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Cooper. The rest of Saturday was spent in bed, in pain, vomiting, etc... Yesterday I could still feel the pain in my back, though nothing like Saturday, but I slept all day and all night. Today I still feel achey and can still feel the pain in my flanks.

To make things even poopier Gary cannot take leave from work for the 4th to go to Ohio to visit my family. Normally I would just go myself with the kids, but with the threat of that pain coming back I don't know. Cody is heart broken, he looks forward to this trip all year. So earlier today when I could feel the pain my decision was that we were not going without Gary, now that I was able to eat enough to take something for the pain, I think maybe. I don't know, I fear being stuck on the highway with kidney stone pain, with 3 kids by myself, but I am determined, so we will see.

Oh My Goodness, Oh My Gosh

2009-06-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

That is her new saying, she says it really dramatic like, and it's pretty cute.
Monday we had our appointment with the Occupational Therapist and Speak Therapist. I think we overwhelmed both of them a bit, but we are going to continue to take her, at least just to keep her used to working with other people. It can still be hard for her to get over her shyness and talk to other people.
After searching we finally found a Physical Therapist with an opening. We told her our situation and she saw us right away. First of all I must say her demeanor with Anastasia was awesome. Anastasia worked pretty willingly with her and was laughind, participating and talking to her. The PT is very experienced and really good at what she does. She however does not think that Anastasia should have the surgery. She had never heard of the surgery and didn't really want to listen to me or read the info I printed out for her. She would rather do therapy, stretching, and medicine. Of course no matter what she will always need therapy and stretching. But those of you who know me know that I researched this tons, (as I do everything). I do not want her on a medicine everyday. Why would I pump her with medicine with nasty side effects and withdrawal when she could have a minimally invasive procedure that could help her in the long run. Me and the PT went back and forth. I already have the surgery scheduled for July 31. After talking with Gary we have decided to stay with the surgery. At our next appt, I will let the physical therapist know that, and see if she is still wanting to work with us. I cannot tell you how many people have posted that their physical therapists were against the surgery until they saw the kids afterwards and were amazed. This was not an easy decision, trust me, decided things for your children is heart wrenching, I just want to do what is best for her now and for the long run.

So one thing the therapist wanted us to work on is Anastasia getting to a standing postition from the floor. When she falls she has to crawl over to something to pull her self up. So if she falls in the middle of the yard, that can make for a long crawl back to the house. So after dinner I did her stretches with her and then told her we needed to work on what the Dr. had showed us. Her initial reaction was what she usually does, flop over, not trying, saying she can't, whining, etc... I told her the Dr. said that she can do this, that her legs are good legs, we have to work hard to learn how to use them though, and that we were not going to have our dessert until she at least tried. (Hey, there's nothing wrong with bribary)
Gary came in and helped us. Before we know it the girl does it!!! I was screaming and clapping. The look on her face was priceless. She showed Cody and he made huge deal. We praised her over and over again. --Then ate ice cream of course----

Then came the storm. It seems like with every emotional event, even when good, something happens in her, and it overstresses her or brings something out. I was on the phone with a friend, telling her about our day and Anastasia's big accomplishments, I was sitting at the computer in my bedroom. She came in and asked if she could use the computer, I told her she could use her computer (we have one for her that we hook up to the TV) She said no she wanted Mommies computer I told her not right now, maybe later when Cody or Cooper could help her. There's this look in her face that happens when she is deciding if she wants to battle or not. Gary came into the bedroom to hook up her computer and she started throwing a fit, she wanted my computer. I told her to go out of my bedroom, and when I was done on the phone we could talk about it. She refused. I told her again, very calmly, she refused. Then she went into full out fit. I got off the phone and took her hand to walk her out of the bedroom, but by that time she was gone emotionally. I carried her to bedroom but she refused to stay in there, full out screaming, kicking, crying.
I told her she did not have to go to bed, that she could play in her room, if she calmed down. She refused. So I went in and dressed her for bed, layed her in her bed and layed down next to her. I could tell this was a fit that she needed to throw, she needed to get it out, so what I do (I had to do this once before. I lay next to her with my leg over her, not touching her but if she trys to sit up it stops her. She screamed and yelled, twisted, and begged. The sound of it is really horrendous. She was screaming that Cody and Cooper were not going to bed yet (it was about 8:30, bedtime is usually 9-9:30) She has seen each of the boys go to bed early once for not behaving. She knew that was why she was being put to bed, but it still felt so unfair to her. The whole thing lasted about 1.5 hours, not all fit. I explained over and over again what she did wrong, and she told me how unfair it was. I let her speak and she let me speak. She had other things she talked about, such as how unfair it was that I hadn't let her buy anymore purses. She has 7, I think. So we did a lesson in money I got change and showed her that when we buy something, I have to pay and sometimes the money is all gone. And that purses, clothes, toys, are fun, but first we have to pay for house, lights, water, car, food, etc... She said Daddy works, works, works, so we should have enough money for more purses.
I told her she should be thankful for what she has, some girls have no purses. Entitlement is a feeling that comes easy!! I want her to know she can voice her opinion, but that certain actions get punished, and that Mommy and Daddy are in charge. We talked for a long time, and it ended well, but boy was I tired!

Hey, go find your own Mommy

2009-06-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

We just got done with a fun filled few days with Papaw, Gary's Dad came for a short visit. While here we took the kids to the pool. She is still doing great in the water, swimming better and better. While there a man came up to us and was telling us how his step daughter had mild CP, and now she is doing great, she was there with him, she is 9. It was very sweet of him to offer their story, and to offer us encouraging words. The Mom was at work, and he was there with the 3 kids. He encouraged his daughter to hang out with Anastasia. Which she did. But since Anastasia still won't talk to others much, I did most the talking. I wasn't playing with the girl, just talking. I could tell Anastasia was not liking that one bit, and before I knew it she was in full melt down. She starting getting ugly toward me and crying, so I made her get out of the pool and sit down. She cried for 20 minutes. Once she calmed down, she told me that "you love Cody, you love Cooper, you love Daddy, you no love me" I held her close and kissed her cheeks bunches and told her I do love you, over and over, she just giggled and giggled. The sad part is, that is a real fear on her part. And one I remember well, I never felt like I looked like my sisters and brothers, or that I belonged like they did, since I was the only half sibing in the house. I don't know what would have made me not feel that way, but it was a real feeling to me, and it caused me a lot of pain as a child. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away completely for her. Siblings get jealous as it is, let alone when one comes into the family in a different way or by a different parent. I am trying my best. I routinely do things that will make her feel like part of our family, I can't just expect her to know that. One of the things I did was to add her to the boys growth chart, and mark her height on there, she was so excited and I could tell it was encouraging to her. But I can put myself in her shoes and know that it is going to take constant effort, I mean as an adopted child, being part of a family that already has children would be hard.

2009-06-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

Therapy

2009-06-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Her pediatrician had said for us to find out what PT we wanted her to see. Some good friends recommended the Cantrell Center, well they called yesterday and they have a waiting list. They said they can do a consult and give us home exercises to do, which we could do, and really already do in way, but she needs someone outside the family to work with her, for several reasons. So the Cantrell Center gave us the name of a place in Macon, about 30-40 minutes form here, because believe or not it seems there is only 1 place in our town that has pediatrice physical therapists. I am not discouraged, everything happens for a reason. So I called the place in Macon, and they said they want to see her for OT, PT, and speach. Which would be great, because she needs all of the above. According to their website they also have someone who specializes in Neuromuscular massage for people with CP, this is one thing I have researched for her, so I am excited to talk to them about this. She has an appointment Monday with them for a consult. So, maybe it was meant to be, I spoke with the OT on the phone and she was very thorough and took her time with me and seemed truly interested, so I am excited for the appointment.

About Surgery

2009-06-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have not updated about her surgery, just so much going on.
I spoke to the actual surgeon last Thursday. He was not supposed to call me back till this week, so I was impressed. He took his time on the phone with me, I really liked his demeanor. So, he says she is a great candidate for the surgery. He is only scheduled out 1 month, but we have decided against doing the surgery that soon. She needs more time to build trust and just enjoy her new life. Not only that but she will have casts on her legs for 6 weeks after, which would mean no more pool for the summer. So as of right now we think we are going to schedule for early September. This will give her time to adjust more, start school, etc... The casts will be from a little below her knees, past her ankle half way down her foot. She will be able to walk in them, and will be able to walk within 1-2 days after surgery. She will be given tylenol with Codeine for pain for up to a week. The average for the pain meds seems to be 2-3 days. Amazing! It is outpatient. We would arrive the day before surgery have a consult with the doctor, surgery the next day, stay in a hotel that night, then come home the next day. I belong to a couple CP groups online. It seems the kids do very well while in the casts. But once the casts come off some take awhile to adjust to their new range of motion, they have heel pain due to the fact they have never walked on their heels before and the bones in their feet rearrange. Some children take this harder than others. Anastasia seems rather sensitive about any booboo, so are preparing for this to be a hard time for her. This is one of the reasons we will not be waiting for the holiday school breaks for her to have her surgery. Gary is due to deploy in January, so I want him here for the hard parts, to help me out, especially physically. The timing should work out well, please keep this situation in your prayers. She freaks out about the tan lines on her feet because she thinks they are booboos.

If your brothers jumped off a bridge would you?

2009-06-15T08:26:00.001-07:00

I don't think she would, but she jumped off the diving board!!!
She is seriously a different child at the pool than she was her first week here. We are so proud of her! Yesterday at the pool she said out of the blue that she wanted to jump off the diving board, in her lifejacke of course. She can't exactly jump, but with Gary's help she walked to the end and jumps into the water. She loved it!!
Not only that but she is learning to swim, only about 3 or 4 feet at a time, but we would have never guessed she would be doing that this soon. I will post pictures later.

Drama

2009-06-12T07:01:00.000-07:00

Girls are drama! Last night we used Tim the Translator to have a conversation. Oh Boy! I was surprised at how little she had to say at first. We explained to her about school, she keeps asking to go. We explained about going to see a doctor for her legs to help her walk better. Then the flood gates opened. She was balling saying she did not want to lose her Russian language, because how would she speak to her friends at the orphanage. She said one boy (we all know it's V) was very sad when she left, and that he said he will wait for her. (What the heck, she's 7 waiting for what??) She said they always stuck together and that when she looked pretty he would tell, etc... It became clear to me exactly how substantial her relationships with other children were and that she must miss that so much.
I explained to her that we could pray for all the other children to get Mommys and Daddys. I told her some of the children would be coming to America this summer. Then she crying saying that if V came to America how would she ever move all of her things to live with him, her bed is so heavy. No joke, that is what she said.
So Tim and I did our best to appease some of her concern. He explained to her that she could learn to speak Russian and English like him, good job Tim.

Exciting times in the life of Anastasia

2009-06-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

Things are going really well. We have not backed down once when we say no, and she seems to understand that no means no and it has stopped most of the tantrums. She did have one fit on Saturday because Cody had something she wanted. She asks me a million times a day what belongs to who. She will point to something and ask "eta Cody's?" It's an obsession everything must have an owner, it can't just be!!!

She has her first doctor's appt tomorrow, just a general well check. She does not like the doctor, so we'll see how it goes. She will occasionally ask me when we get in the car, "no doctor?"

I called the specialist today that I want to do her surgery. She needs muscle lengthening. Traditional muscle lengthening consists of small slices in the muscle.
The procedure we want her to have is referred to as "PERCS", percutanious, something, something. There are 2 surgeons who do it, Dr. Nuzzo in New Jersey, he "invented" it, and he taught Dr. Yngve in Galvestion TX.
I called the office today, he is on vacation, but he is supposed to call me Monday or Tuesday next week. He will ask me questions concerning her over the phone to determine if she is a candidate. If she is and if our insurance will pay for it, then we will make an appt. She would have consult with him, then surgery the next day. I'm not sure how far out they book these appts., but how exciting is that!!
Several of the reason we choose this procedure is:
Instead of "slices", it is a series of small holes, kind of how you poke meat with a fork to tenderize it.
This makes a huge difference in the amount of scar tissue that builds up.
Also the recovery time is very short in comparison, I don't even think there is a hospital stay.
This surgery could change her life, she would no longer be stuck walking on her toes, and hopefully she would be able to balance better. I am so excited at what a life changing procedure this could be for her!

Today

2009-06-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

So far today is going much better. We have not gone anywhere which does not make her happy. Everything has been easily calmed down today, whatever the issue may be. She tried to convince me that she couldn't get dressed by herself because she couldn't get her night gown off. I just told her you take if off like a shirt, then sent her back to room, she came out dressed in just a few minutes. Then we hung her name banner that our friends made for our welcome home. I let her choose where she wanted to hang it in her room. She demanded a sandwich about an hour after she ate breakfast. The overeating is still an issue. I set the timer in the kitchen and told her she could have one when it beeped. That worked great, she did not say "mommy eat" 200 times like usual.
She was still begging for snacks after lunch even though she ate her lunch and a snack, so I have made a bowl of apples and bananas on the counter that she can help herself to, This gives her some control over the issue. She did get an apple and eat it, she sat next to me at the computer while I did several things and made some phone calls. She was being rather non-demanding!
We also did "school" today, we are going to focus on 2 letters a day. She soaked that up, she is all about school!
Right now she is sitting next to me practicing her cutting skills with her scissors.
I can only imagine how hard all these transitions are on her, and really she is doing so well considering.

Yesterdays Bad and Ugly

2009-06-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

One of our biggest battles right now, is her not wanting to do things she can do. Like putting on her shoes, we have even shown her ways to make it easier. OR getting dressed, we know she did this on her own there, I don't give her a choice, I lay her clothes out and walk out of the room, if she whines I don't go back in, once she has gotten dressed I go in and see if there is anything she is having difficulty with.

So yesterday I had a surprise for her we were going to an indoor play place here to meet up with one of the friends she made while here at Christmas. You would think she would be more cooperative getting out of the house-nope.
She did not want to put on her own socks, so that delayed us, then once I got her shoes on she decided she wanted different shoes, which was a no becuase it takes a good amount of time to get her shoes on. So I left her on the floor in her room pitching a fit and told the boys, "let's go" So she comes out of her room, with one shoe off. She was trying to make a point, so I told her to go sit in the time out chair while the boys went and got in the car. She refused, I had to put her back in the chair 4 times.

Fast forward to later that afternoon.I over hear a little arguement occuring in the livingroom, so I eavesdrop. I hear Cody telling her "how would you feel if we didn't share with you, it would make you feel bad wouldn't it?" He was so calm trying to explain to her. You would never have guessed she has just smacked him across the face!! I talked to her about not hitting and sharing. Sharing is very hard because at the orphanage the other children would tear up her stuff or she would be forced to give things to other children, there was not a lot that was just hers. She thinks everything that is hers is just hers, but everyone should share. So I had her allow the boys to play with several of her things, and then show her how they put them back when they were done. She got grounded off the computer for hitting Cody.
You would think Cody would be mad at her, but no. AT bedtime he joined us in her bed for storytime, he helped me read and was adding in comic relief to make her laugh.

I am super proud of the boys and how they have handled all of the recent adjustments. I have every confidence that with time we will work through these issues. I am certainly up for the challenge!!

Your Fair Warning

2009-06-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

So this post comes with a fair warning about the months to come, it ain't gonna be pretty. I have been honest through this whole process and I'm not going to stop now. This part of the process of adoption is the hardest, it's very complex, getting her to attach and bond to us, I started reading and researching months ago, but now fitting it into my parenting style, learning to compromise, etc... My posts will include the good the bad and the ugly. You many not like or agree with my decisions, methods, etc... I am always up for other's thoughts, views, experiences, but please no bashing.
This is what I can tell you, all of her behaviors are "normal" and expected and surprisingly parallel with the stories I hear from other adoptive parents, and milder actually (so far!)

The good: She seems to attaching and bonding well, I have not seen her Mommy shopping like she did before, she seems very confident in the fact that we are her family
She shows all the emotions a child should, happiness, jealousy, sadness, empathy, joy, etc...
She is kind to animals, I think this is a huge telling of overall character
She is now mostly comfortable in the pool in a lifevest, a must since I now have to watch Cooper like a hawk since he is swimming without a lifevest (he taught himself)
She plays well with other children, she prefers girl, but can totally hand with the boys!

Major Meltdown

2009-06-04T05:10:00.000-07:00

We had our first major meltdown last night. After dinner I went to the grocery store. She does not like to stay with just Daddy as much as she would like to be with Mommy all the time. But I needed to go. Well on my way home I called to check on things, and Gary put her on the phone. She repeated several time that I needed to drive home now. Haha. Then it happened, Gary told all the kids to get ready for bed, and she mentioned that she was sleeping on the couch tonight.
Last night we set up the huge tent in the living room and the older two slept in there. It's got two rooms, and neither of them wanted so share with Cooper so Cooper slept on the couch, poor Cooper. Well she thought she would get a turn on the couch. I explained that Cooper got to sleep there because they would not share with him. Well by the time I got home she was crying so hard, begging us to sleep on the couch.
She cried and cried, and begged and begged. She refused to calm down so we said it was time for bed. Gary layed with her, as she kicked and screamed, while put the groceries away. Then she said she was calm enough to lay with Mommy. She kept repeating, "Cody 2, Anastasia 1" I thought she was saying that Cody got 2 turns and her only 1. I explained over and over again that Cody was sleeping in his bed tonight that he was not getting 2 turns. Finally she said "Cody and Cooper 2, Mommy and Daddy 2, Anastasia just 1" She is heartbroken that she is the only one who does not sleep in a room with someone else.
She had asked about this before through the translator (when we called her at the orphanage) and I explained that boys and girls don't usually sleep in the same room. to which she replied well we do here. I can explain how heartbroken she is about this. She said it is scary in her room, I told her there is nothing to be scared of, and she said she still sees it in her head. Once she was able to explain to me what was wrong we cuddled and she cried and just told me she loved me. I told her I understood that she missed her friends and sleeping with all the children in the big room.
I have not decided what to do about this yet. Adoption attachment is very complex, and you are really supposed to let them regress. But I have been careful to not let her manipulate a situation. This is the one subject I may bend on. It is her number one worry/issue right now. I may put her mattress in the boys room. She slept fine in the living room when Cody was in there with her. Will she sleep in her room alone-yes. Do I think it may be bad for our bonding if I let her deep fear and worry continue-yes. So we'll see. I do lay with her every night. It is a great bonding time, we talk, practice English, cuddle, etc...
I posted for advice on FRUA a huge adoption board and they attacked me saying I do need to baby her and why wouldn't I, on and on. I don't need that here, so please don't post anything unless you have true advice

One word, one heck of a fight!

2009-05-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

After swimming yesterday we had lifegroup at our dear friends house. Anastasia fell asleep sitting next to me around 7:45, so we decided to call it a night. Upon arriving home Gary carried her in changed her and layed her down in her bed. She immediately started shaking and screaming for me. I went in and told her it was bed time, she was so upset, so I layed with her till she fell asleep. We are pretty sure this behavior is due to something relating to her mother's death. It is really the only time we have seen her cry, sometimes she seems terrified to go to bed, without me in particular. Once she snoring I left the room. She immediately popped back up screaming and running to the door. But this time, I was running short on patience, it was still very light outside, the room was well lit I didn't understand what there was for her to be scared of. I told her to get her butt back in the bed. I rubbed her back till she fell back to sleep. Repeat of screaming fit at soon as I leave the room. She also started screaming "up". I would just tell her no you are not getting up, you are tired, go back to sleep, get back into your bed, etc... Repeat, repeat, repeat. Finally after and hour of this, she shows me that she wants the door open, ugh, the whole time she was saying up she meant open!! She has always wanted the door wide open when she went to sleep on the rare occasion without me, but I thought it was to let light in. But there is something mental about having the door open, I truly felt bad. I opened the door, tucked her back in and kissed her goodnight, then went to my bed and was asleep within seconds.
She has asked before what if she died in her sleep, or what if I died in my sleep. God uses this experience time and time again to teach and mold me in my weakest area. I am not a patient bed time Mommy, my kids never got rocked for long periods of time, they get read to but then it's time to go to sleep, occasionaly I will lay with them for a couple minutes, but my ADD just won't let me relax long enough to stay longer. Well she is truly terrified and I need to build trust so I have been laying with her. I battle with this, because it causes jealousy in my boys, and it goes against my personality.
Haha, I just looked over at my bed, and the boys have disappeared to play outside, and she has fallen asleep, it's 8:15 and she has been up since 6:00 this morning.
We'll see how she does with me putting her in her bed!

Pool time

2009-05-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we had a pretty busy day. We went to the pool with friends for the afternoon. She loves the idea of the pool, but she is more like a 3 year old wanting me to hold onto her the whole time. In a lifejacket her legs float to the surface causing her to roll over unvoluntarily. The first hour was a battle, she even went off on Gary and scratched him. She got a scolding and a time out, which she was not happy about and continued to pitch a fit. At once point she looked at me threatening to inflict the same on me as she had on Gary, to which I responded, "girl you go right on ahead, but Mama will do it right back" I'm not sure she understand my words, but she certainly understood my tone and she straightened up. By the time we left she was having Gary through her in the air and willingly going under the water. We made a huge deal of it, and she was screaming with joy, "I good job, I good job!"

About an hour before we left I noticed a woman walking stiffly over to the pool with a little help from her daughter. I turned to Gary and said, "Look I think she has what Anastasia has." So Anastasia and I made our way over and I asked the woman, sure enough!! And the daughter who was helping her into the pool was adopted, just several weeks ago, they had been her foster parents for 5 years, how awesome is that.
I got to talk to the woman for a little while about her CP, how it has effected her, etc... I felt a little foolish but I asked if she could swim, she said yes, although she uses her upper body more to do so than other people. She was very kind and gave me her phone number.

So I would say our trip to the pool was an overall success. I will be doing it many times without Gary's help over the summer on weekdays, so it was a good trial run. My goal is for her to be able to play independantly in a swimvest. I think the scratching thing was due to many things, her lack of language, reverting to 2 year old behavior and testing her new parents.

First day as a family of 5

2009-05-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

Gary got up early and got Cody ready for school and let me sleep in! It was so nice. He said he found Anastasia awake singing in her bed around 6:30. She just fell asleep for the night, it's only 7pm, but I was surprised she made it through the day.
Cooper slept in also but when he woke up he as all about Anastasia. He played with her all morning, he said he didn't even want to play video games, and he sat and watched the Little Mermaid with her!!
AT one point he came running out of his room yelling "Anastasia said this is mine!"
I said, "Anastasia that is Cooper's not yours." Cooper said no, she said it is mine, she spoke English!!! He was so excited. I said, "yes she is learing English." He replied, "I think she is done learning, I think she knows it all!!" I assured him that she still had a lot to learn. But a couple minutes later she took a drink of something and goes, "ah, very, very cold" And he started freaking out again, "that's right Anastasia it is very cold, you know English!"
I spotted him several times just holding her hand, that is one sweet brother.
He does have one complaint though, he says she chomps when she eats. Her eating manners have improved, but we are having a hard time still. His mission for the day was to get her to chew with her mouth closed. We went to dinner tonight and he cried becuase he wanted to sit by her, I talked her into it even though she really wanted to sit by me.
Gary took the boys to a movie. I knew she wouldn't make it through it so we didn't tell her where they were going. I brought her home after dinner, I painted her finger and toenails, then we watched about 10 minutes of TV and her eyes were too heavy to keep up and she admitted she was ready for bed.
I am about to put my pjs on and climb into bed and watch TV with my dog, it's good to home

Our Journey Home

2009-05-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

All together it takes about 24 hours to get home from Russia. We woke up at 2:30 am in Russia, upon waking for some reason I had this feeling we had told the translator the wrong airport. The driver was to be picking us up at 3:20. I logged onto the computer and sure enough, we had. So Gary looked it up online and it said it was 50 miles away, eeek!!! The driver that was picking us up spoke no English, so Gary just looked up the name of the airport in Russian and wrote it down. The driver didn't seem panicked, and we made it in plenty of time.
Our facilitator had warned us that passport control may want to look at her birth certificate. Well when we approached the counter and handed the lady our passports she had the meanest smirk on her face. She stood there and looked at all of our paperwork. She spoke no English and there were was noone working who spoke English! She was claiming our name was not matching on something. I would love to give her the benefit of the doubt, but to be totally honest she was enjoying messing with us. She called several others over, and someone walked off with the original of Anastasia's birth certificate and adoption certificate!!! They left us standing there for another 30 minutes while they "checked on something" Then she smirked as she gave us back all of our documents and said "no probems"
Our first 2 flights were not bad, the second was 9 hours, so very long, but not too bad. Our third flight was delayed as we were about to take off, but only by about 45 minutes.
When we landed our second flight we had to go through customs at Charlotte, where we were to give them a sealed envelope that had paperwork from the Amercian Embassy in Russia. Well, when we got to customs, and handed them our number that passport control gave us,they barked at us to go sit in the office and someone would be there to help us. Well it was basically a waiting room with all the passport "invalids" We were scared we were going to miss our next flight. So Gary went and asked if they had flight info, and they told him he would have to call the airline himself, and since there were no cellphones allowed in customs that he would have to wait. They were very rude. At that point I was very irritated. Not only were they really rude, but my husband serves this country, we are not criminals we are just trying to get our daughter home. Well eventually a very nice man came and got us and gave us permission to go on, and they didn't search our bags, which was good because we didn't have much time to get to our next flight.
We arrived home to a house full of wonderful friends!! It was a huge surprise. They had decorated, stocked my fridge, mowwed our grass, and taken care of our home and children. Anastasia was overjoyed by all the pink decorations and friends and brothers to greet her, she was in heaven! I was competely surprised by the welcome home party, it was very touching.

Cuteness!!

2009-05-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

She has learned when she wants something to say, Please, Poppy, Please.
Her and Poppy love to play fight and rough house, she does have 2 brothers after all.
Yesterday they were play fighting. And she said " I don't know I love you, you go now"
She holds her fists up to him and says " And you"
She now says Thank you without being prompted and it's the cutest most sincere Thank you you've ever heard
She says Excuse me
Her "I don't know" is too cute also
Haha, she is right now trying to convince him to wash her feet in the sink because they stink, she says they always stink, I think I believe her. He's refusing, so she told him, "no I love, no ice cream, no America"
She has you and me mixed up right now, she will say, "Mommy please help you"

We Are SO Out of Here

2009-05-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

We finished everything that needs to be done here! We changed our flights to go home a day early. Thank God for Golden Rule Travel!!
This morning we had our Visa Interview at the Embassy. Very interesting. You go into the building with your official papers. No phones, cameras, etc... And no going out once you come in. We had a paper "invitation". We go to window #4 to pay then sit and wait for our turn. There were 2 other families there also, one with an almost 2 year old ball of adorableness, and another with 2 beautiful girls age 6 and 10. We got sit and talk for a while, it was nice. So once you have your interview, which consists of verifying info pretty much, then you sit back down for about 10 minutes. Anastasia had to go potty. We come out of the potty and everyone is staring at me. I look at Gary and ask him "what?" His response, "you don't want to know"
Then the mother of the almost 2 year old comes running up from behind she says, "I couldn't catch him, I yelled his name but he couldn't hear me, and I was not allowed to go out."
Then Gary tells me, "we all went up to the window to get our paperwork, (which is many official papers plus the child's passport and visa). He said, "they gave that other guy with the 2 girls our Anastasia's paperwork and us their Anastasia's" The other guy had gone first and walked out, Gary walked up to the window took the papers, looked down, and said, this is the wrong one! Upon hearing this the other mom jumped up and tried to run after the guy. So I guess what happened was the Embassy people called the guy's coordinator and told them about the mistake, went outside and switched the paperwork.
All is good, just another story to tell. But really if you could see the papers we had to fill out to get that paperwork done, and how specific we had to be, and that can't read the first and last names!!!
Right now it is 7 pm, our driver comes to get us a little after 3 am, and drives us to the Moscow airport, We cannot wait to get home, get her to America, and be back with our boys, we have never been away from them this long.

The Joys and Trials

2009-05-25T12:03:00.000-07:00

As in any other parenting journey we are on a long road of joys and trials. The trials have been so trivial so far, and at this point still comical to us.
She has not wanted to walk, which is the opposite of how she was while with us in the US. When we go out to walk around and eat she insists Gary carry her. Well, at the dr. today she weighed at least 56lbs(she was not fully balanced on the scale) We have no idea how she managed to gain weight in an orphanage!!! We feel blessed that she is so healthy, but I can barely lift her. Table manners are another trial, face over plate and shovel seems to be her strategy, we are working on smaller bites and slowwing down, and wiping our face. She seems so puzzled when we instruct her on this. Sometimes she even chokes she eats so fast.
And our welcome to the world of girls-whining!! When we are in the apartment she whines over and over to go outside, she says outside 5 million times, each time getting more whiney. We ask her to stop asking, most of the time we are still getting ready, etc... Then once we are at a restaurant she whines for her food, then once she is done eating she whines to leave. I am positive she understands when we tell her to stop whining. She repeatedly says "mommy go, etc.." So tonight after dinner she started doing the whining, we told her to stop, she did not, sometimes she even does it with a smirk on her face, I told her we would go home(apartment) rather then outside walking if she did it again. We have threatened this before but never followed through. So of course she whined again. So we told her now we are going home. She was still smirking thinking we wouldn't do it. She walked holding my hand whining, she walked behind me hanging onto my jacket whining, "no home mommy outside" I said nothing to her and instructed Gary to do the same. About half way back I could tell she was not walking well so I asked if she wanted Daddy to carry her, she looked surprised, like this was an odd offer cosidering we were mad at her.
When we got back to the apartment I explained to her again why we came straight home. I'll let you know tomorrow if it works!!

Yesterday we were trying to get her to walk while we were outside and she refused. Finally we told her she had to. As soon as we put her down, she took my hand and walked me as fast as she could, about 5 stores back from the way we came to a children's clothes store!! Ha, she loves to shop. That's my girl.
She seems a little stiffer than before and more frustrated with her body. Understandable. We don't know how soon she will be able to have surgery, and Gary and I were talking about crutches or a walker. Just to use sometimes. I told him she wasn't going to like the idea, to her that is not "normal", and she wants to be "normal". So today I pulled up a picuture of a child with CP using the elbow crutches, She dropped to the ground and layed face down, and said "no,no,no". She was not yelling or throwing a fit, just refusing to take part in the onversation. I told her it would keep her from falling and be easier, "no,no,no"
Oh, boy!

The joys-are too numerous to list.
One of the cutest things-her saying I don't know with her Russian accent
Her common come back when she thinks she doesn't like something you said, or if Gary is teasing her, "NO, You!" Except, it comes out "No Chjew"
She loves to learn, she just soaks it in. She can count to 12,and can write up to 10 (in english)
She is very quickly learning her colors.
Letters are harder, because some of the same letters in our language have totally different sounds. But I don't think it will take her long. And she can write small words and sound them out in Russian. She seems to be on the fast end of learning English.
She is so sweet and giving. When we come home, she kneels down to help me with taking my shoes off. As much as she loves her food, she will quickly share, even if you have nothing to share in return. Haha, tonight at dinner she saw the fries on Gary's plate and wanted some, she she offered him some of her food. Pretty smart!!
She notices needs, like I was laying my head on the hard couch arm, she folded up her special blanket and brought it to me to put under my head.
She is just so vibrant, receptive, spirited, empathetic, just amazing!!

When I was laying with her tonight I was trying to explain to her about her new name. She has no clue she ever had a Russian middle name, she doesn't understand what a middle name is. She told me in her own way that she will take the Michelle, but she wants nothing to do with the Suttles. Hehe, she'll learn over time.

She asks over and over to go home to America, and to see Cody and Cooper.

Gotcha Day Pictures

2009-05-25T03:12:00.000-07:00

Gotcha Day

2009-05-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

In the adoption world Gotcha Day is a celebration of the day you get your child. Yesterday was our gotcha day.

As soon as we got to the orphanage she wanted to get out of there. But her caregivers made her take the time to say goodbye to everyone. It was very hard to say goodbye to all those little faces. Her friend V gave her a kiss on the cheek, that little charmer. She did not cry when we left, she just wanted to go. Once we got in the car she did not want to stop to eat. She was afraid we were going to take her back. It's hard for her to understand why we are still in Russia. The translator explained to her several times that she was not going back, but she was still worried.

We tried to get her to take a nap, since she does usually and she was almost asleep in the car. But I was laying next to her, and whenever I would open my eyes she would be staring at me with a huge grin on her face, "Mommy, I love you." She was just too excited to sleep.

She requested pizza for dinner. We went to this restaurant we found that serves really good "american" food. She chowed down on the pizza, the girls who worked there were just staring at her, I'm pretty sure they've never seen a child eat that much. She asked me again after dinner if after she slept if she had to go back to the orphanage. Poor thing is not going to feel better till she is back in America.

Speaking of staring. People with disabilites are not seen in public in Russia. And boy do people stare, adults and children alike. Not the same kind of sympathetic type of stare you would get in the US from most people. That's really a sad thing, and I pray this changes in the future.

She had told us on the phone several weeks ago that someone had given her a cell phone but that it didn't have any money on it. We thought someone had given her an old cellphone to play with. Not exactly.
We get back to the apartment and she pulls out this cellphone, and a small notebook with several phone numbers in it. She dials a security code, then dials someone's number, and proceeds to have a little conversation!! We were in shock!! Was she really speaking to someone? So we have her use the regular phone to dial the same number, sure enough a Russian speaking woman answers the phone. So not only does she have this cellphone whoever gave it to her gave her a charger to go with it. Eventually our translator called us and we were able to have her talk to Nahstya. She said when she was in the hospital a lady there gave it to her. I was so mad, who gives a 7 year old a cellphone!! And I was scared what kind of weirdo exactly would do this also.
Today, the land phone in the apartment rings, and it is the lady who gave her the phone, she speaks very broken English. She tells me she works at the hospital and met Nahstya there, She tells me how wonderful she thinks Nahsta is and that she is glad that she was adopted by Americans. She seems harmless and very nice. Our translator says she thinks the lady just pitied Nahstya and wanted to do something nice. But I'm still wierded out a bit. Nahstya totally freaked out when we took the phone from her, crying and everything, which is not like her. So I let her speak to the lady, and figured once we get back to the states it will be behind us. Is this not odd? I am also angered that the children's home sent her with us without mentioning this. It's just not normal.

Peter and Paul

2009-05-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we decided to just walk, and walk and walk. We walked for 6 hours. We walked all the way to Peter and Paul Fortress. This is located on one of the little islands. So there is a little "beach" area. There were many Mom's having playdates with other moms and their children, and there were even people sunbathing. Our translator said there is a group of people that sunbathe if the sun is out, even if is it 30 degrees out!

The wolves are coming, the wolves are coming

2009-05-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

OK this is wrong, funny, but wrong. Anastasia has this friend at the orphanage, this little boys just shines with personality. They are very good friends, going to get married is what they both say. He cannot walk, his hands are very malformed as are his legs. I'll call him V for short. V was playing color wonder with us. All morning there were several of the smaller boys following us around. These 2 seemed like maybe they had some mental disabilites also. Sweet as can be, they just wanted some attention and were curious about what was going on. Well Anastasia and V obviously did not want him hanging around, so they started yelling at him, "the wolves are coming the wolves are coming."
I think our translator was surprised when I told Anastasia not to do thatm because it was mean, and we should share with everyone. As a matter of fact, when I said it she didn't even translate it!
Anyways here is a couple pictures of V and Anastasia playing.

Pictures

2009-05-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

Us on the plane
Anastasia and several friends
Anastasia swinging
Mommy and Anastasia playing with the color wonder set we brought her

Home Sick

2009-05-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

Already we are home sick. I miss my boys like crazy. Cooper graduates from Pre-K tomorrow, sniff sniff. I think once we have Anastasia the time will go by faster.
We are picking her up Friday morning.

The past 2 days has been spent driving from place to place doing paperwork. It's not hard work on our part, since we don't speak Russian, we usually just have to sign on the check mark.

In Russia everyone is registered in the district in which they live, so you can't just move and not register. Well for whatever reason she was still registered according to her mother's address. So we had to relinquish that, then do this and that and something else, haha. This took hours on end in the car in the craziest traffic you have ever seen.

We were hoping to find out the cause of her mother's death, noone wants to fess up. I know that the orphanage must know, but they do not want to say. Part of me is scared what we may find out, 31 year olds don't just die. And no matter how bad the news, we want to know, because Nahstia one day will want to know. She may already know. This will be something we will find out hopefully when we do her birth family search. It will not be something we share with anybody most likely. It will be kept secret by us until she is old enough to know, then it will be her information to tell as she likes. Through this birth family search we may also find out who her father is, unlikely but maybe.

Gary was excited because we moved apartments and there is a Carl's Jr. just a couple minutes away. I guess this is the same as Hardee's in the US. They are the most American I have seen here, they even have salad with real lettuce. And our favorite part, fountain drinks with ice and refills!

Miracles do happen!

2009-05-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Noone knows why, and everyone was in shock, we got an immediate decision!!
They were still telling us this morning they did not expect it, the judge had already told them at their meeting that the 10 days would not be waived. She just does not waive the 10 days we were told, but she did!!! We just emphasized that we had spoke to several doctors and were ready to get her immediate medical help for her condition. She seemed impressed by the fact that we have called the orphanage on a regular basis. She seemed to like Gary, she smiled when he answered several questions. I gave the closing statement and that was our chance to "plead our case", I told her that we truly loved and missed Anastasia and that we were eager to have her home with us so that we could get her the medical treatment that she needed so that she would be ready to start school, I felt as if the surgery would make her safer and build her self confidence. She said, how soon do you want to take her home?
The whole court room (all 7 of us) about fainted, I said "The soonest you would allow her to come home" She said "So if I said tomorrow you would be ready" "Yes your honor that would be wonderul" Everyone still just sat there with huge dumb-founded smiles. There was the social worker and paperwork lady from the orphanage, 2 court officials and our translator. She then left to make her decision. The Russians were giggling like school girls, they could not believe what just happened. The social worker and paperwork people gave wonderful heartfelt testimonies on our part, I'm sure they helped our case.
She came back not even 10 minutes later and granted us our adoption, with immediate decision!!!
There were hugs all around. Our Russian facilitor that works for the adoption agency was sitting in the hallway waiting, when we opened the door and told her she hugged us and said she had no idea how we got an immediate decision. Then we sat there while 5 Russian ladies made many phone calls to many people trying to sort out what to do next. I cannot tell you the compassion we were shown today. I'm sobbing recalling it. IF you are reading this and adopting from Russia, I can tell you I truly believe every family that adopts from there is teaching about compassion to people who have not been taught it and probably not shown it. Especially those who are adopting older or special needs children. They still do not understand why we would want to do this, but as they see us do it over and over again I believe that they are learning that we love these children just as any other and as our own.
I would love to be in bed right now, but I am waiting to be contacted about change of flights, hotels, etc...
We went today and got her new birth certificate!! It is in Russian but they showed us where it said "Anastasia Michelle Suttles", and where it listed us as her parents!! So surreal.
The next several days are very busy with paperwork. Anastasia will stay in the children's home for that period of time. These are not short easy trips to do paperwork. Also she needs time to process that she is leaving the orphanage and time to say goodbye. She told us yesterday she is ready to come home NOW.
Please continue to pray our paperwork goes smoothly. As of now we are flying home next Friday the 29th!
I will keep you posted

Court tomorrow, well actually today,

2009-05-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

It's after midnight here. It did not get dark until almost 11.
This morning we went to the orphanage around 10:30. The children were outside playing so we got to play outside with her which was nice. She said she did not know we were coming and that it was a surprise. We also got to interact with some of the other children, which was heartbreaking. 2 boys in particular followed us around saying Mama Papa, and talking to us. They are all so sweet, some of them are being hosted this summer, I pray that they find their forever homes.

They still say they expect our court to be easy and short, but that they do not expect the 10 days to be waived and that we will have a 3rd trip. We do not have our hopes up, but we are still praying for a miracle. If not, we or I will return on the 28th, to start all her final paperwork.

They said they had to travel to her biological grandmother's house 3 times to get her to sign the release papers. They said she is such a drunk and very hard to deal with. They said her biological grandfather seems very nice and just wants what is best for Nahstia.

Nahstia said she is ready to come home now. When we told her it would be another 2 weeks, she said she didn't know how long that was, but that it didn't sound very long.

Carrots in the Bathroom?

2009-05-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

We just got to our apartment a little bit ago, it's about 8:25 pm here, noonish back home. Our flights were fine. I did see several odd things in the airport. The first of which was a woman peeling a carrot in the bathroom. Like a whole carrot, with a peeler, how can she have a peeler at the airport when your not even supposed to have tweezers? And why are her carrots so important to her that she carries them with her and peels them, in the bathroom. This was a Frankfurt airport...weird!!!!
The second of which was an employee at one of the duty free shops she walked up to a display of perfum sprayed her hands about 5 times, rubbed them together, then walked to another bottle and repeated the same action. I wanted to gag just watching it, what in the world is that all about. There was an American couple standing next to me when it happened and they were as stumped as I was.

We get to go visit Anastasia tomorrow!!
That's all the excitement here.

Yes, I'm excited

2009-05-12T04:24:00.000-07:00

People keep asking, are you excited, are you nervous, etc... Yes we are excited, a little nervous, but not so much.
What have I been doing?
Cleaning, a lot, I believe I am in supercharged nesting mode!
Finishing up Anastasia's room
We need to study our homestudy to make sure we remember what it says, because that is what the judge will have read before she asks us questions. Not that our homestudy is full of lies, but things can get mixed up in translation so we need to remember what says what about what.
We have paperwork to fill out for the embassy, we just got this yesterday, and it feels surreal to fill it out for Anastasia.
Creative packing, we have not only the things Gary and I need, but also many gifts that we must take, and we also need to pack for Anastasia just in case.
Getting things in order here for the wonderful friends who will be caring for our boys while we are away, we have so many great friends, love you guys!

So yes really excited, but it still feels surreal, so hard to explain!!

Thank you ....yes you!!!

2009-05-04T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have gotten several very encouraging emails from people, they have meant so much, and given me much needed strength. Because money, etc... are all useless without the will and strength. Thank you to anyone who has shown us support, no matter how small it may have seemed.
So, an amazing thing happened. I sat donw today to look at flights, visa prices. etc...
I called Gary over to the computer to tell him that our Visas were going to be 1700.00 not 700.00 like last time. I didn't know where this cash would come from. I didn't feel worried about it. I did several other thing son the computer then logged into my paypal account to pay Tim the translator the 20.00 I owed him for last nights call to Anastasia, and it says there has been a 1000.00 donation. I looked away then looked back, and it was still there!!! The exact amount we needed! HOw amazing is that? This donation was from a relative I have not seen for a long time, probably not since I was a little girl or maybe a teenager. Another family member had referred them to my blog. What a blessing it was for them to support us!
At times when I felt weakest I have gotten amazing encouraging emails. On dsys when the pot runs dry, suddenly there is something there!
I thank those people who have done anything to support us.

NO News IS Good News

2009-05-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

So, we were notified this morning of our court date. YEAH!!!!! May 18th!! Boy does our agency work fast. So at first I was so excited but not panicked, then I realized we've got to fly out mext Friday!! OMGoodness, that is like a week and a half away.
Our wonderful friends are keeping our boys while we are gone.
We did not get the judge we were hoping for, so they said there is only like 1% chance we will get our 10 days waived.I'm no math wiz, but those are not good odds.
But I am at peace with that, becuase, next month, my daughter will be HOME.

Got nothing for you

2009-04-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry nothing new and exciting. We did speak to Anastasia the day after my last post. It was pretty uneventful and somewhat short. We were abrubtly cut off by someone needing to use the phone. She did not know that we had been calling, and I'm not sure she believed us when we told her we had been.
We are waiting to hear if the judge has received our paperwork, which judge we will have, etc.. And of course our court date.
She again brought up death. She asked "what if I die?" Meaning herself. I told her that she was very young and healthy so I wasn't worried about her dying. I think she is definitly going to need counseling mostly because of the loss of her first mother.

Tim the Translator

2009-04-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

He is one of my best friends right now. He stays up until 2-3 am calling the orphanage for us, trying to find out if Nahstya is out of the hospital. This morning he found out that she is back at the orphanage and doing well, but she was not there she was at the museum. I miss her, I hope to talk to her sometime this week.
I am doing a little work in her room. We are supposed to take pictures of her room to show to the judge. I was already girly, but I'm adding a couple things, making things extra special for her. She requested butterflies, I despise butterflies, but the one thing I got for the walls does have butterflies on it. Now that is love and sacrifice!!

What, this candy contains no artificial sweeteners-but I love artificial sweetners!

2009-04-13T09:21:00.000-07:00

That was Cody yesterday, he was saying it to make me laugh-it worked. Silly boy!! We had a very low key Easter. After church we took the kids to Dairy Queen, then I went home and took a nap because I'm still fighting the migraine I started at the beginning of last week-no worries I think it is gone. Gary took the kids to the dollar theater. For dinner I made homemade wheat crust pizza- no your traditional Easter dinner, but we had Easter dinner the night before with friends.
This morning was the first day back to school after spring break. Cody told me on his way out the door that his ear hurts, so I need to make an appointment for him, I'll have to go get him from school. It is pouring down rain. We have no water in our house. The sprinklers wouldn't turn off yesterday so Gary had to turn the water off to get them to turn off. Blah......
Last night the translator tried to call the orphanage last night to see if Anastasia was out of the hospital and if not to try to get some more information. He did not get an answer, he will try back tonight. On a happy note, our paperwork arrived there today!! Now it will be translated then sent to the court. They will look it over with a fine tooth comb (don't we know it), and see if there is any changes they will request of us, or any additional paperwork. Once all that is done, we wait for out court date!!

Get Better Baby Girl

2009-04-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

Last night we had the translator call the orphanage so that we could talk to Anastasia. Once he got through they told him that she is in the hospital. He asked why, and they said due to a bad cough, which she also had when we were there.
He tried to get them to tell him what hospital she is at, but they said that they wouldn't let us call anyways.
They seem to "hospitalize" these children for somewhat minor things. But I have worry eating at me, because she had this horrible cough for several months. She said when we were there that her chest hurt. And of course my heart aches because she is laying in a hospital bed, without parents to comfort her.
Please send prayers up for her to get better.

Enough Stress Already Thank You

2009-04-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

So, today I get a call from Gary saying that he has been tasked to deploy in the next week for 6 months!! A wonderful, thoughtful coworker stepped up to take his place. This person was due to deploy this year anyways. But at first I was feeling soo guilty, sick to my stomach guilty. I didn't feel better until Gary had time to talk one on one with they guy to make sure his wife and family were not upset by his decision. We know all things are in God's control, and tonight I feel better, with a clearer mind, reminding myself that God surely had a hand in such an act.
We are very thankful to him, and that he had the heart to do that for our family.

Secondly our house that own and rent out has a water issue after the storms last week. Water came in somehow and has gotten under the laminate floors in the kitchen, in the wall at the baseboards, there's mold, it's fun!! So now we are fighting with the builder to pay for the damages because it is due to structural default.

But ultimately and most importantly I had a great day, other things aside. I got to spend a great day with my boys. We went bowling with the another family here in town that is adopting one of Anastasia's friends from the same orphanage!! We had lots of fun, we have become fast friends.

And of course we mailed our final paperwork to Russia this morning. The boys went with me and they were so excited! They were angels in the UPS store, it took about 20minutes to make copies and get the documents ready to go.

We are going to call Anastasia sometime this week.
This Saturday we have our bake sale.

Whew!

2009-04-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

So, after redoing several last minute mistakes on paperwork, I went to Atlanta to do the apostilles. My bestest friend Nicole offered to keep my boys, so that was nice, and it ended up being a good thing for sure!
It's a 2 hour drive one way, so when I hand them the paperwork, I sit in the waiting area and pray really hard that everything is as it should be and that it won't be a wasted trip. So once I hand it to them, I went to the bathroom, then came back and sat down, but this time in a place where I could see what they were doing-BIG mistake. I was so nervous, I felt like I couldn't breath, and I was praying so hard, I felt like everyone could hear me, despite the fact that I was praying inside my head.
Then I see her call her coworker over and they are obviously discussing a piece of my paperwork. UGH! Sure enough she brings out the paperwork and say, "that will be 79.00 for the ones we were able to do, but for these three, when we ran her license, it looks as if she got married and didn't change the name on her license."
Breathe Cara, don't cry, just breathe. So I pay and am on my way, and I don't cry for the record. But I sit in my car, thinking about how to not stress out so bad.
How would you feel if you were pregnant, saw the baby held the baby, then they put it back in (ok, don't visual to elaborately there) then you have to do paperwork to get the baby back out. And if you mess up, it will delay it, not only do you miss that baby and already love it, but you know that it must be missing you, and it is up to you not to mess up, to get things done as quickly as possible. And I know all things are in God's timing, and God is teaching me. I mean I caught at least a dozen mistakes that we had fixed on paperwork, that would have delayed us for sure, so why be so hard on myself? Because it's what Mommy's do, right, you know it, the mommy guilt, blah!
So I head home, and call my hubby to complain. Then I call the office where the notary works and left her a message. She calls back and says that she is so sorry, I can tell she is sincere. She then calls our county to see what she can do to remedy the situation, and then calls me back, I call the apostille office back and they agree. A bunch of people fax each other, etc.. So by this time I've driven 30 minutes, so I turn around and head back. They are able to apostille the documents!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN!!
So I will be sending this off to Russia tomorrow. One step closer to getting her home.

Shame on ME

2009-04-06T05:32:00.000-07:00

Last night as I start organizing the paperwork to take it to Atlanta today, I notice that 2 of the notaries we used did not sign the documents the way that their notary seal says their name. Such as if I were a notary and my seal said Cara M Suttles, then I need to sign with the M, not without. So today we have about 10 documents to get redone. Most of them Gary will have redone at work, they are docs that need to be signed by people there. I need to go to the pediatrician's office and beg them to have them done today.
So of course I pitched a fit last night, I was throwing papers, yes throwing papers people! Which are not very satisfying to throw, they don't go far, unless you crumple them up first. I have a temper, for those who don't know. Anywho...........
Of course I was upset, so tired of this stinkin paperwork. Not looking forward to another day of driving around town gathering paperwork, and begging people to do it ASAP, as they look at me like, "what is the big deal, and why do I have to fix this one tiny little thing."
So, this morning I wake up with a new attitude, my attitude was ugly last night, much uglier than I am typing.
I got up early so that I could redo the docs and send them to work with Gary. Notice I never mention Gary getting upset or throwing a fit. Yes, that is because we are complete opposites. Which usually makes me angrier, as I'm throwing things, and he is as calm as can be just looking at me, calmly gathering the things I've thrown, and telling me that even though it stinks, we can fix it. Sometimes his lack of emotion translates to me as lack of caring about the matter at hand. But he is always the calm after my storm.
That is not why I feel ashamed. My husband likes my fiery side!!
As I'm fixing my coffee, a thought pops into my head. Do you remember when I posted about the man at the Apostille office who said it was his 12th time there. I was so grateful that all my paperwork was acceptable to be apostilled, since it is a 4 hour round trip. But when I was eavesdropping when the lady was telling him why she couldn't apostille his document, it was because the notary had not signed with her middle initial, as it appeared on her notary seal!!
Had I not been there to "hear" that I would have never known to check my documents for that very type of error. I should be thankful God gave me that gift. I could have driven all the way to Atlanta not knowing that tidbit. I would much rather have discovered those errors now, then after a wasted 4 hour round trip to the apostille office.
So, I am going to drink my coffee, get all of us ready to head out of the house to get our paperwork done, then enjoy the rest of the day with my boys. Hopefully we can go to the apostille office tomorrow.
If you open this post today, can you please say a quick prayer, that our paperwork will come together. I believe God is listening.

Where Have I Been?

2009-04-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Well, doing paperwork of course! And enjoying my family, trying to keep a healthy balance.
I don't want to speak too soon, but Gary just has to go to the Police Dept. to pick up 2 corrected documents, and we are done gathering paperwork! I will drive to Atlanta on Monday to have them apostilled and then send them off to Russia!!
(Insert Paperwork Happy Dance Here)
Then we wait for court date. They expect it to be mid-late May if we have no big paperwork Boo-boos.
I can't really remember what I have blogged about lately. In the beginning of June is a huge tourist time in Russia, due to White Nights, where it stays light most of the day and night, you know like in Alaska. So, we pray to sneak in before that, but oh we are cutting it soooo close!! Plus if we have to take a 3rd trip, guess when we would go if our timeline is as expected.
As far at the 2-3 trips goes, it will mostly likely take 3 trips, but it is slightly possible that it could just be just 2 trips, with our next trip being a long one, how long, you ask, well I'm not certain, but maybe 2-2.5 weeks? OMGoodness, we really must have faith in God, right? Truly, I have never trusted so much in God, I am not a person who likes uncertainty, though I've had my share, I do my best to avoid it, I am a planner. This journey has given me new patience and a stronger will, for sure. And never, never, have I felt this close to God before. I feel like he is holding my hand, cheering me on, not sure how people who don't have faith in Him do things like this, where do they get their strength? At every stage when I have doubted myself, our ability to do this, how do we know she is the right child for us, he has sent signs, yes signs people!!! I believe he does this, and he has done it abduntly through this process, and I feel Anastasia could no more be ours if we had concieved and birthed her, it feels that miraculous.

So, how would it be possible for us to have only 2 trips. Well, there is a chance that we could get the "mystery judge", who, upon receiving a letter from a Dr. here in the states, would consider waiving the 10 day wait, due to the fact that it would help Anastasia tremendously to have surgery and recover before school starts.
We have gotten the letter, that's not the issue.
There is a 50/50 chance we will even get this judge and then if we do only a 50/50 chance she would consider it enough to waive the 10 day wait.
Do I have faith this could happen? ABSOLUTELY!!!! Am I banking on it? No, we can't bank on anything. It would save us A LOT of money, and stress, but either way our goal is to get our daughter home, and whatever that path looks like we will take.

Oh, you must be thinking, look how optimist Cara is, so stress free, so thankful. Well I have not been so thankful and optimistic lately. I have been mostly stressed about the money side of things, feeling heavy hearted about the amount of debt we are taking on to do this. Not doubting wether or not we should be doing this, but wondering why in the world did God lead us to her, when this has lead us to so much debt. Debt does not feel Godly to me, I have a new optimism today about it. IF I am to trust Him with this, then it needs to be a complete trust. It's not like we are goint to be out on the streets, my husband has one of the few reliable jobs there is right now. And I am happy to go into debt for this, despite my wondering why sometimes, does that make any sense?
Don't feel sorry for me, it is no different than having a car payment, not in THAT sense, I'm not comparing her to a car, but some people spend this much on a car, you've heard me make this comparison before.
Have I mentioned how excited I am to be almost done with the paperwork, and well on our way to having her home with us?
YIPEEEEEEEE

Will some Pictures Tide You Over

2009-03-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

Right now we are gathering the rest of our paperwork to send to Russia, we are doing this as fast as we can, but we also need to make sure to be accurate. We have to get it submitted, so we can get our court date.
The last few days have been very taxing, we have been dealing with some very difficult people. I am not at liberty to explain, but one day I will be;-)
People have been begging for more posts, I'm trying, but I'm tired,happy, but busy and tired, Leave me a comment by clicking on the little envelope!!
The second one is of her and her music teacher putting on a little concert for us. Anastasia played the triangle and sang!
Her music teacher spent some time with us, she was so sweet and loves the children very much. She was one of the people who told us how lucky Anastasia was to be getting such young parents. Funny.

Pictures

2009-03-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a few pictures from Wednesday. On Wednesday morning we had to do our Medicals, so we had an afternoon visit instead. When we were leaving the rest of her group was outside, so we stayed while she bundled up, then walked her outside to her friends. We met a charming young boy, who proclaimed to be her husband! Very darling children. Anastasia proclaimed as she walked us outside, "This is MY Mommy and Poppy, NOT Karina's!!" She was so proud. It made me sad for the other children though.

We are Home!

2009-03-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

Got in yesterday evening. All our flights were on time and smooth. Just feeling the jetlag today and emjoying being back with my boys!
We've got lots of paperwork to do this week, the sooner we it done and sent to Russia the sooner we will get our courtdate. If we can do it quickly they believe our court date would be mid-May.

Fast Forward

2009-03-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

To today. I want to post about today right now so I don't forget anything, and when we get home I will rewind and post about Wednesday and Thursday.
Right now it is about 11:00 pm here, we leave our apartment at 3:30 am, our driver will pick us up and take us to the airport.
This morning of course was our last visit with Anastasia, it was surpisingly upbeat, she is just so happy that she will be part of our family.
When we got to the orphanage this morning her teacher said she would like for us to see how much Anastasia knows, so she took us to the "school room", and she sat with her and showed us how she works problems, does her alphabet, spells her name, etc... Her teacher is beyond sweet, she truly cares about the children, and it shows. She had our translator take a picture of the Gary, myself, Nahstya and her together and asked that we bring her back a copy when we come back.
We got to see Nahtsya's bed, and her group area, the one we saw before was not hers and we were not sure if we were going to be allowed to see hers. They have many toys and it is extremely nice and kept very clean. They have 3 little sinks and toilets in their bathroom, and to my surprise they have toothbrushes and cups.
Every time we would see anyone that worked at the orphanage she would beam from ear to ear and tell them very proudly that this is my Mommy and Poppy. We went back up to the music room and played hide and seek her favorite game, amongst others. She was aware that this was our last day to visit this time, and she said she would not cry because she knew we were going to come back just as Karina's parents had. (the little girl who was adopted from the same orphanage by the couple we know from Atlanta) It makes me feel good that she trusts us. Things are very easy with her, the affection is not dramatic like it was sometimes before, like she was trying to win us over. She no longer ever called me Mama, like she would have before on and off, I am now Mommy, and she calls Gary mostly Poppy. We did not expect her to speak much English while we were here since we could rely on the translator, but boy were we wrong!! Wednesday she just started to bust out with the English, even our Translator was amazed. She would just pop out these sentences, "Mommy sit down, Poppy go." She would also use "you", and "me" in the right context which children don't usually do for several months of being home. She would talk, and then hear the translator tell us what she said, then later use the words that she had the heard the translator use. Such as monster, noone told her, such and such word is monster, she just figured it out, and would say, "you monster, me go" (game).
There was also a lot of mixed Russian and English, like our favorite, "go ta da", basically go to there. Or, "Poppy, carry me, ta da!"
We went downstairs for her to eat her lunch, then we had about 30 minutes to spend with her. She called Poppy into the room while she was eating and asked him to "up 10 times", it's a tradition they have he throws her in the air. She was showing off her Poppy to the other children. Little stinker.
She then came out and sat on my lap and talked until we had to go.
She asked again for an explanation of about how long it would be till we came back, and that she would go home with us the 3rd time. She also wanted to make sure that if she was too scared to ride the bus that I would drive her to school. She asked again why we decided to keep her, and we told her again what we told her before. She said ,"Oh, so you wanted 3 children" I said, "yes, but not just any third child, we wanted you." She said, "because you love me?" "Yes, we love, and we always will," I told her.
She had many questions. And we tried to answer them the best we could.
One of the funniest things she told us was that when she was in America that she saw the Christmas paper in the garage, and that she thinks that Mommy and Poppy bought the presents, and not Santa. Ah, we tried our best to work our way out of that one, but she was not buying it! She said next year she would stay awake and see if there really was a Santa.
She told us that she lived with her mother until she died, then stayed with her Granpa and Grandma until they brought her here. She said her mother's name and that she remembers her.
Our goodbye was good, I started to choke up, and she looked up at me and said, "Mommy your face has turned all red" I told her because it made me cry to leave her. She said, "Because you love me very much?" "Yes," I told her. She told us how much she loved us and that she would be patient and brave until we came back, she did not cry. I am thankful for this. The lady in charge of paperwork and several others walked over to tell us goodbye and told me not to cry. I had our translator ask again about the Grandpa. She said that he has been to visit, but not only several times, well that certainly is different than never!! And that he is with another woman, not Anastasia's biological grandmother, she is an alcholic and not involved. So this whole time Anastasia has right, she considers that woman her grandmother, and obviousily they have visited her. The paperwork lady thought I was crying because I was afraid the grandfather would prevent the adoption, but she said not to worry that he has signed away his rights and wishes for Anastasia to be adopted. She sais she feels Anastasia is lucky to have us as parents, we are very young and have good life to offer her. I thanked her, and she also said that Anastasia is a very good girl.
I better go to bed now, and sleep for several hours before we leave for the airport. I cannot wait to kiss those boys of mine, this is the longest we have been away from them.

Compliments of the Chef

2009-03-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday we took a nap, then woke up and took a walk to find a place to eat. We came upon a fancy restaurant that had their menu posted in English also, a very small unique place, so we decided it would be our one splurge. I will post a picture of the place. Gary ordered duck, and I ordered chestnut soup and a pasta that had cheese, sundried tomatoes and this round ball type things that were mooshy and tasted like wine. It was all very good, Gary's came with a sauce and also a roasted chestnut and some sort of of applesauce type thing that had lavendar in it I think. But the really funny part is after we ordered the waitress walks up with the fanciest clam appetizer I've ever seen, I was a HUGE clam on a bed of sea salt, with the clam still in the shell, but with some sort of special sauce. She puts it in from of Gary and says "Compliments" I could tell she was very proud to present it to him. He smiled and thanked her in Russian, but I could tell he was terrified, he hates to eat anything like that. So the waitress walks across the room, which is not far at all, to watch, which is not unusual. In Russia they sort of watch you to see if you ask for anything, but they don't approach your table so much. I tasted the sauce and told him it was yummy, and that he had to eat it. I mean it would be bad manners not to. So he's trying to get up the nerve to eat it, and she starts walking across the room to the table near us, and I whisper, in my best ventriliquest way-"She is walking this way, just eat it." So he took the fancy little fork then lifted up the clam, which was HUGE, and sucks it down, oh the look on his face, I told him that watching him eat that clam was worth the money we spent on the meals.

More again on Tuesday

2009-03-19T12:34:00.001-07:00

Boy am I wishing I had blogged more of this as it happened. Anastasia's music teacher spent some time with us Tuesday, she played the piano and had Anastasia play the triangle and sing, it was very cute! I could tell that she truly loves the children and that she is very dear to Anastasia. We also got to meet her teacher, she does not go to school but they do make an effort to teach the children who are able the basics. She showed me some of her copy books, she had taught her to write out Mama for me, how sweet is that. She said she is a good learner, and that she is always well behaved and kind to others. She said she does not conflict with the other children or caregivers. For our visits we are put in this large music room where the have music class, and puppet shows, etc...
It is connected to a therapy room that we can also use if there is noone else in there. We spend time playing hide and seek, tag, and other games she makes up!! She has a huge imagination, and the things she say are so funny.
The one thing the music teacher did tell Oksana was that when she first came to the orphanage and was asked to sing songs she knew that they were all adult songs-not children's songs.
She eats lunch at 12 then she comes back to the room to play till 1. We laughed because the translator could hear the caregivers telling her to chew her food, because she just wanted to hurry back to us. When we leave each day she asks many times if we will be back tomorrow and when.
After the orphanage we went back to the apartment and checked in, and took a nap.
We woke late, around 8 pm maybe, and decided to walk and look for something for dinner.
Oh< I almost forgot about lunch. My blood suger dropped on the way back to the hotel and it was taking everything I had not to vomit in the car, so asked if we could please stop to eat. They took us to a place called Schtolle's they serve pies. Basically pie is not just dessert here. And this place is supposed to be one of the best here. They have the pies set out on the counter and you tell them what kind you want and they cut it for you. I got a chicken and a apple, Gary also got a chicken and a lemon. It was very inexpensive, all 4 of us ordered 2 plus a drink and it was around 23.00 for everyone. Nothing here has as much sugar as things in America. But they were very yummy. I took a bite of Gary's and could barely get myself to swallow it, it was very bitter, like they had used the a lot of the peel, but he was a trooper he ate it.

More Tuesday

2009-03-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

At the orphanage on Tuesday we sat in the director's office waiting for Nahstya. She had many questions for us-just out of curiousity she said, she is not a judge and just wanted us to be sincere. She said it is very hard for Russians to understand why people who can have their own children would want to adopt,especially if they already have children. She also was curious as to why we choose Nastya, especailly due to her disability, even though she also said that her disability is minor and that she thinks she will do wonderfully with a family. I will post more about this after our adoption process is finished
She also wanted to know how the economy effects us Americans, if there is really a difference. I gave her a run down on mortgages and what foreclosure was. She was surprised mostly to hear that the magority of our money at the beginning of the loan goes toward interest. She said that Russians thinks they have it worse, but that she thinks it is better because at least 50% of their payment goes toward the payment of the loan. That does sound more fair doesn't it?
I can't recall all of what we talked about but it was very interesting. She asked if we wanted to see what one of the groups looked like and we said of course!!! Basically the children are split into 4 groups. And each has their own play area, with tables to eat their meals at, a bathroom, and bedroom. I cannot tell you how surprised I was by how nice it was. I was told that her orphanage was much nicer than others, but it is nicer than most American preschools! And very clean. We had to wear covers on our shoes, we had to wear these also when we went to the clinic.
The walls are all painted there are many toys, and child sizes furniture. They each have a small closet type space where they keep their coat, boots, hat, mittens, etc... for going outside. We also gave them the bag of donations, they were especially thankful for the small underwear-thanks Lynn!! And after seeing the children I would say that they could use very small-like 2T size boys underwear the most. Most of the employees we came in contact with were very nice, they would smile and greet us, we were especially fond of the paperwork lady and the music lady.

Tuesday

2009-03-19T12:11:00.000-07:00

After showering and getting ready for the day we walked to the bakery that we had eaten at the morning before but they were not open yet, what bakery is not open at 8:30? We didn't have a lot of time so just decided to walk and see what we could find. We found a coffee shop that seems to be a chain here. It is very yummy, and worked out better, because they were able to do my cappucino to go. We got a pastry that has berries and one that had ham and potatoes, both very good. There was a young man working there that spoke a little English and you could tell that he was very proud to be the one to step forward when we asked if anyone spoke English.
From there Oksana and Sergey picked us up and we drove to the orphanage, we have been very fortunate with the traffic, it can take up to 3 hours to get to the orphanage from the city center, but it has not taken us more than 1 hour and 15 minnutes, good not only because we are not stuck in traffic, but we would be paying our driver for that time also.
Also I have to give our driver Sergey props, he has got some Mad Driving Skills!!!
The driving here is crazy. I asked if there were rules and Oksana said yes, but that people just don't follow them. What looks like 2 lanes is often made into 3 or 4, with cars trying to get around each other. And Sergey is very good at getting around other cars, cutting them off in as safe a way as possible. We have seen what I call a "crunch" at least once a day, it is basically a minor accident caused by two cars cruching into each other because they just haven't given in, and noone gets the right of way! The cars drive very close to the pedestrians as well when they are crossing. There are very nice crosswalks and light to let you know when to cross. But for the most part Russians do not look at each other-you know like the other people they are walking near or the cars. So when they cross they just walk and the cars will drive very near to them, but not hitting them-not sure if this happens very often. So that is why I say you can tell I am an American because I actually look-and hurry when I see a car coming too close-although I am getting better at it.

Pictures from Monday

2009-03-19T11:43:00.001-07:00

Tourists for the afternoon

2009-03-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

After that we went to Pizza Hut to eat, we still didn't know our way around very well so we knew at least we would know what to order, and we were starving. The lunch combo came with a pizza, soup and salad bar. The pizza was pretty much same as here, the soup was a fish based creamy soup-customery for here, and very yummy to me.
The salad bar was different it had cabbage, shredded carrot salad, peas, and several other things, and 2 dressings to choose from, one was similar to Thousand Island, the other just looked like mayo..
After this we walked to the Church on Spilled Blood, it's about $10.00 per person to get in. It is breath taking on the inside and outside. There is a little market type flea market on the street near there, where you can barter with vendors selling nesting dolls, jewelry boxes, dolls, amdber jewelry, etc... There was a funny old man that was a lot of fun to barter with, the others were rude and short with us, but I spent a lot of time with this man going back and forth in a fun way. He would tell me "look at this price, it is very economic"
We went to bed early and slept really well.

try again...and again

2009-03-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is my third time trying to post more about Monday, it just won't go through when I go to post it. So, here I go again.
After the orphanage we went to the apartment where we had reservations but noone was there. There was someone there and she invited us in, we told her who we were and she was very apologetic. She said if we would wait she would call the owner to come talk to us, she could be there in about 10 minutes. So we sat and she made coffee while we waited. It was the owner's daughter who came, she is college aged and speaks very good English, she was so sweet and apologetic. She offered us a discount if we would stay with them for the remainder of the trip. She showed us the rooms, and there was free breakfast and in room internet so we agreed. Our translator thought we were crazy and wanted to know what percentage discount she was offering us..LOL

Gas or no gas???

2009-03-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

Ok ,that's what they ask me whenever I order water, carbonated or non? Funny to me.
We arrived on time, our flights were great. We flew Lufthansa and they were beyond friendly, and had wonderful service. Our layover was in Frankfurt, which was pretty cool. Upon arriving in St. Pete, our translator met us there, and we drove to the hotel/apartment to check in. Well, there was noone there, and this was after carrying our luggage up 4 flights of stairs. I knew it was a hole in the wall place on the outside, but the pictures showed that the rooms were nice online, and it had great reviews. Well none of that mattered because noone answered the door. So we went down the street to the Petro Palace to see if they had any rooms, this is where we originally wanted to stay, but it was all booked up. Well with our translator's help they said they would give us 2 rooms, so we took them. So far I am loving jet lag, I normally take hours to get to sleep, well recently anyways. But I was asleep by 10 and didn't wake till almost 8, we slept great. The hotel breakfast is very pricey so we walked to a little cafe down the street that people had recommended. Very local place, noone spole English. We ordered what looked like a cinammon roll and a pastry with pear. Well, we still do not know what the cinnamon roll looking thing was, but we can confirm, that it was not what we thought it was.
Our translator met us in the lobby and we went to the committee. This is where they give us the basic info. on Nahstya and give us permission to visit her. We were only to answer yes or no, which we did and we got permission, easy. We then drove to the orphanage which was great because there was little traffic which is unusual. Also it is unseasonably warm today, and not windy. The orphanage is North of "the city" in a very pretty rural place. Upon going in we went into the director's office and greeted everyone, everyone was very nice, and we saw Ekatrina the assistant director we had spent time with this summer. Then we were taken to the music room where they would bring Nahstya in to interact with us in front of the orphanage social worker. The social worker asked us several question that she felt that they would ask us in court, such as why we wanted to adopt when we already had children. How we would handle her disability. How our children felt about the adoption. But more than anything they all seemed more curious about us Americans, what does our beach look like, do we have farms with cows and horses? Upon us telling them that where we live is very warm and almost never snows our coordinator joked that she always wished she would be adopted, so she could go to a place like that!
They were surprised by how excited Nahstya was to see us and how comfortable she was with us. We had a great visit, we were contained to that one room. But Nahsta made up games for us to play, and her and Papa rough housed a bit. She also just wanted to cuddle a bit.
They spoke to us about her medical and family history in front of her, which made me uncomfortable, I didn't feel as if this should be discussed in front of her, but Gary took her to the other side of the room to play.
Basically they said she was born at 28 weeks which is what would have caused her CP. They said her record indicated that her mother never took her to the doctor, but that the doctor came to her house several times, and offer the opportunity for her to be treated for her disability but that her mother always refused. This could be true or untrue. Sadly there is no father known. I am so sorry to hear this for Anastasia that is a huge part of her that will always be missing. She has been in the orphanae almost 2 years, basically upon her mother's death in 2007. Her grandfather brought her to the orphanage and gave his permission for anyone to adopt her and he has never been to see her. So the visits she tells us about are all fantasy. This also is sad, but common in chidlren like this. We visited for several hours and will go back tomorrow, from about 10-1.
I will write more tomorrow about our day today after the orphanage, I am sleepy, which is a good thing.